Everything You Ever Needed To Know About Sneaking Into Jays Games But Were Too Much Of A Pussy To Ask: An Essay

Rules of Engagement

- First off, smaller groups work best.
- Second, always look like you know what you're doing and you know where you're going and that you're there so often that you would be insulted if an usher tried to direct you.
- Third, full hands are always a good idea. They're less likely to ask to see your ticket if your hands are full.
- Fourth: please, if you're going to do this, sneak in some alcohol also.


Now, How to Get In:

Ridiculously simple. If you're like me and you have a Toronto Star pass, you can only pick up tickets from the box office on the south side of the building.

From there, I always find it best to head over to gates 10/11. They're basically the same gate, in the same place, so it's not unusual to walk in the wrong one. They're at the south/west corner of the building (on the west side).

If you go in Gate 10, they'll probably send you right up to the 500s. If this happens and you get stuck up there, try taking an elevator down-- you'll probably be successful. If not, there are unguarded ramps in the outfield, which go all the way up to the 500s. To get there from the 500s you have to walk quite a long way, behind the scoreboard, basically. You'll notice that the concourse turns into less of a stadium concourse and more of a desolate windowless hall. That just means you're on the right track.

Of course, you can avoid all of this with a convenient excuse to the usher who's sending you up there, like "Oh, I'm supposed to be meeting someone down here first" or "Oh, I want to get a Kosher hot dog first, and they only sell them down here." Say that as you're walking away from them, so that you don't give them any choice but to let you go. Still, it looks weak.

Avoid that bullshit altogether and just go in Gate 11. There they'll check your ticket and wave you into the 100 Level concourse. You'll get your bags checked at that point, so it's really important that you don't keep your mickey in there.

From this point, it's just a matter of scoping out some empty seats (unless the Sox or Yankess are in town, there will be lots-- though you'll still be able to find something when it's full too, just probably not the home opener). Don't do this too soon before the first pitch, because you never know how full it's going to get in there. You can get away with having to move from someone else's seats once or twice, but more than that looks suspicious unless you switch sections.

When you've found some seats to grab, head over to them. A word of advice: Don't head for the corners of the outfield. For one, you can do better than that, and for two, for some reason the ushers there are a lot more vigilant about checking tickets.

Don't head straight down to the seats, because you've got to wait for a break in play. And DON'T get too close to the ushers until you're going to move down. If they have nothing better to do, and you're just standing there, they'll ask to see your ticket.

Once you've been down and seated for a while, most of them just figure that you're cool. As long as nobody is complaining about seat theft, they really don't give a shit.

Until you've done this a couple of times, I wouldn't recommend trying to be a hero by taking prime seats right behind the plate (plus, that's where I'm stealing my seats-- so fuck off!). Go a little ways down either line and you should be set. Basically, if you're not a pussy about it, you can sit in just about any section most games.

Actually, not being a pussy about it is really the key to the whole operation.

So for fuck sakes, just go sit in some empty seats and relax. If you feel the need to put on a bit of a production, fan out a bit amongst your group. Sit a seat apart from each other like you're two guys trying not to look like they're on a date (if you weren't already going to do that anyway). Generally, look like you really couldn't give a fuck about their so-called reserved seating plan. Your attitude is: you'll move if you have to.

A decent plan for the faint of heart is to sit at the front of a big swath of empty seats. That way, if people come to claim their seats from you, it's not too unreasonable for you to move a couple of rows back to your "real" seats. Also, don't get greedy, especially at first. Don't try to go more than halfway down the aisle until you're comfortable doing this. Those seats get full fairly consistently.

After a while, you'll notice that you don't really get asked to change seats very often. You'll sort of start to figure out that a lot of people are doing the exact same thing you are, or that there are enough empty seats around that people don't care who's sitting in their actual seats, as long as they have one.

Don't wait too long to make your move, either. By the third and fourth, there is way less opportunity, unless they're playing Tampa. Otherwise, the prime time to do it is in the first or second inning.

If all else fails, the 100 level seats in the outfield are half-decent, there are always a few of them available, and they only have one usher for every two aisles, so it's really easy to get into those. But don't sell yourself short! Get down there into the good seats. They want to ballpark to look full on TV anyway, so really, you're doing them a favor.

Take this advice and I promise, you'll be rookin' for the perfect beat (and possibly a lumpy-faced Asian).

And now that you know, don't go and fucking blow the whole deal for the rest of us!