Simmer Down Canadians
I’m not sure if our neighbours to the South have noticed. I’m not sure if anyone outside of Canada has noticed. But in recent years, Canadians have been getting all uppity about our nationalism on the international stage.
I’ve always felt that the best thing about being Canadian was that you didn’t have to give a shit about, you know, being Canadian (unless Quebec was threatening to separate and even then, that’s only because Pepsi Talent is way easier).
However, in the last decade or so, spawned by shitty Molson commercials and the flag-waving culture to our South, Canadians have been making an annoying effort to ensure that other nations know we’re all proud to be Canadian.
I think it started after a closing ceremony for some Olympics where a bunch of assholes took great penis-pride in smuggling in an enormous Canadian flag. I guarantee that if Americans pulled this stunt, these same fuckfaces would be going mental with indignation, but such is the stuff of fuckfaces.
Anyway, the bullshit nationalistic tradition continued Saturday night in Los Angeles during the Blue Jays and Dodgers game when a security guard had to confiscate a Canadian flag from a fan because of a policy at Dodger Stadium banning flags and banners. Instead of going quietly into the night and agreeing with this more-than-sound policy, a group of 100 expats attending the game angrily confronted the security guard.
The main flag-waver was the president of a California group imaginatively enough called Canadians Abroad. The social networking group counts such D-listers as Paul Anka and Alan Thicke among its members.
The ensuing melee resulted in the forced removal of a Canadian couple and the further loss of respect for Canadians everywhere.
You can read the obviously prejudice-tainted Toronto Star story here.
Or read my translation of this story through my bullshit meter below.
Okay, so 100 Canadians are sitting in a section. Andre Ethier sings the national anthem. The Canadians, already more than half in the bag, go ballistic for O Canada and begin waving a flag.
After the anthems, an usher goes down and informs the leader of the group (that I wouldn’t want to be a member of even if it wouldn’t have me as a member) that once the game begins, he’ll have to keep his flag furled (speaking of which my flag definitely remained furled on Friday night because of how much I drank . . . ayoo!).
The president agrees, but in the sixth inning, after 18 beers, he takes it out and begins waving it everywhere. Fearing for this drunken douche bag’s safety from the 37,000 other fans, a security guard comes over to take the flag that the dude had promised not to wave around.
He refuses and the wasted Canadians around him get all indignant at the sensible rule. The LAPD come down to simmer things down. They spot the most likely troublemakers (Blacks) and ask them to leave (rough them up with the end of their pistols).
Listen, assholes. The Jays are not Canada's team. The Jays just happen to be a lot of Canadians' favourite team. Save your giant unimaginative patriotism for hockey games and curling matches. Just leave my Jays alone.
Posts
11 comments:
Nailed it.
This has nothing to do with this post, other than that it also refers to a story in today's Toronto Star. But anyway, as if further proof were needed about what a simple-minded douche Frank D'Angelo is, see this story (http://www.thestar.com/News/article/224093). You know Frank D'Angelo, the idiot in the Cheetah energy drink commercials with the bad puns about cheating featuring Ben Johnson, easily one of the most reviled athletes in Canadian sports history. Or Frank D'Angelo of the Steelback beer commercials where he sits around with a bunch of oldtime hockey greats in the changeroom as if they have all just played a pickup game together, when in reality the hockey guys are just taking the idiot's money for appearing in his lame commercials. Ya, that Frank D'Angelo, the one that said he was going to buy the Ottawa Renegades, and then said he was going to buy the Pittsburgh Penguins. Anyway, apparently Frank D'Angelo doesn't like it when people say mean things about him on blogs. And also he hasn't figured out how to use the comments section on a blog either.
I kind of like Frank DeAngelo.
No, seriously.
I heard him on the Fan590 once talking about how, if you think about what other breweries do to sell their product, how can you really revile him?
Bad puns are better than disrespecting women, Daryl. I know that anyone who read the DJF Guide to Punching Ballpark Kitty (hahaha... or commented on it) might not take that seriously. But no, seriously.
Daryl, are you trying to get us sued?
Seriously, Stoeten, how you can like that prick is beyond me.
What a fucking douche bag.
Dude, excellent post. Yeah, it's these super Canada fans who make you ashamed to be Canadian. The same morons who were offended by the South Park movie. Or the same idiots who think we have the best hockey players. Just brutal.
Seriously, it's not like DeAngelo isn't in on the joke. He knows exactly how his ads make him look. He's not a douche, he's done a pretty decent job of crafting an image of himself as a douche to help sell his product. You can't say that his commercial's aren't memorable, and way more cost effective than the major breweries. You really think this guy is such a douche compared to the douches at Molson/Coors whose monopoly he tries to put a dent in however he can-- douches who sign off on huge budget piece of shit commercials where a 2-4 saves a party full of 50 flag-waving sluts? Listen to him speak seriously sometimes. He's alright. And his commercials are going to be remembered for a long time, I think. Good work, douche.
Any owner of a company who puts himself front and centre, even if it is as a schtick, is a narcissistic fuckwit.
Who else does that sorta thing?
Shitty furniture sellers and used car salesman. In other words, only a couple notches above child molestors and televangelists.
Well said, Parkes. D'Angelo belongs in the same level of hell reserved for Mel Lastman.
My permanent contempt for him was cemented last year when the Ottawa Renegades were forced to fold once again. Right after that, we got a press release here from D'Angelo Brands full of breathless quotes from FD about how he was "in talks with Ottawa city officials" and "seeking partnering arrangments" to revive the team and call them the Ottawa Steelbacks or something. Anybody who read the release could clearly see that this was nothing more than a lame attempt to start a rumour campaign and drum up public support for the revival of the team, that he didn't have 2 nickels to rub together to buy a football team, that he clearly hadn't spoke to anyone from City of Ottawa, the CFL, the Renegades, or Dexter Manley or anyone else for that matter. It was all just an idea he had hatched in his little tiny brain and the press release was nothing more than a pile of bullshit to try and lure lazy/simple-minded journalists to write a story about him. I.e., it was nothing but pure narcissism.
Same story again with his supposed purchase of the Penguins. He is an idiot, plain and simple.
Come to think of it, Dexter Manley would be the ideal pitch person for the next lame-ass TV commercial he comes up with.
Nah, you got my boy Frankie all wrong. And wait a second, did the creator of Facebook’s DJP Appreciation Group just shit on someone for narcissism?
Regardless, while I don’t doubt that all those things might have been bullshit, as far as bullshitting goes, that’s pretty good bullshit. Frank’s just good at what he does, and he’s an easy target—which he totally makes himself. I guess, yeah,… OK, he’s a douche, but he doesn’t give a shit who knows he’s a douche—and that’s the way it ought to be. I still say, good for him.
And don’t forget, he did get the cash together to make the Molson Indy the Steelback Grand Prix of Toronto, so, honestly, I’m not sold that he didn’t genuinely want to buy the Renegades. On his Fan interview that I heard, it sure as shit sounded like he did—it was just that the CFL wouldn’t touch him with a forty-foot pole because everyone thinks he’s a way, way bigger douche than he really is, and they didn’t want to have another Glieberman situation on their hands.
Parkes did you get my email about wiffle/bbq/fight night/jays? Daryl? Hmmm?
I think something is fishy with my emails coming in from the outside world.
Email is broken, dude. Welcome to the new reality. My company has lost a bunch of business, and my dad has a bunch of stories about it too, just because email filters DO NOT WORK. They filter out all kinds of important emails from what should be trusted sources. That's why companies are retarded for banning things like Facebook, which they only see as time-wasting, when really the friend-to-friend messaging thing is probably more like the model we're going to be looking to in the future. Right now, it's fucked. Emails are not going through all over the place.
In other words, I'm not surprised.
Post a Comment