Parkes On Off Days

You know how whenever a community centre gets built in a disadvantaged neighbourhood, they always say something like "this centre will keep our kids off the streets." Then they plough through all this bullshit about how the centre will bind the community together, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Anyway, it hit me last night that the Blue Jays are my very own community centre.

My morality is basically a ghetto and God only knows what I'd get up to most nights if the Blue Jays aren't playing.

Take last night for instance.

With no Jays game to occupy my time, I found myself ravaging a friend's beer fridge and foosball table. Afterwards, I went down to the Dakota Tavern and sucked back a dozen mint juleps in an hour, all the while talking through a band's set in which they played nothing but slow ballad type songs.

Then, I stumbled my way down to Shitty Betty's (read: Sweaty Betty's) where I drank like an Irishman and made fun of homosexuals. After some time there, I found myself a house of ill repute (read: Baby Dolls) where I started flipping out fliff like I was a sultan.

Eventually, the world got mean really fast. People began looking like Death from The Seventh Seal. They were all punishers . . . punishers of eyes.

I woke up this morning and learned that Vitamin C tablets are really no replacement for Advil.

Thank God the Jays are playing tonight against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

Probable pichers:

Tonight at 7:10 PM: RHP Dustin McGowan (9-8, 4.00) vs. RHP Edwin Jackson (4-13, 5.78.

Tomorrow at 7:10 PM: RHP A.J. Burnett (8-7, 3.71) vs. RHP Jason Hammel (2-4, 6.95).

Sunday at 1:40 PM: RHP Jesse Litsch (5-7, 4.03) vs. RHP James Shields (11-8, 4.01).