Random Blue Bird Droppings

Growing Up Stairs

I'm in Fredericton, New Brunswick for most of this week, and I have to say that there was a moment at the airport last night before I checked in where I did a quick feasibility study on trading my ticket in for a trip to Florida. In that moment of hysteria I thought that I might actually be able to ditch work and afford an impromptu six week vacation while following the Jays around in the sun.

The delusion even went so far as to consider that maybe Jeff Blair or Jordan Bastian would let me crash at their condo for a couple nights. Fortunately, before a delirious fever could fully descend on me, the ghost of Matt Stairs appeared. He spoke unto me that Fredericton wasn't that bad, and it was even warmer than Toronto, so I got on the plane as planned.

What a mistake!

Don't get me wrong, Fredericton is a very pretty place, but there isn't a whole lot for a man on his lonesome to do here (read: substandard escorts). I'm surprised more athletes don't come from around here considering the lack of distractions. Frankly, I'd rather play catch by myself than enjoy the city's nightlife.

Oh That Marty

The Tao Of Stieb have continued their quest to overtake Bergkamp as Marty York's number one target when he finally goes postal by once again laughing in the face of one of his ridiculous suggestions. As Bergkamp mentioned, in today's Metro (Your Irrefutable Source For Information On The Go), York claims to be in shock over Shawn Green's availability as a free agent. The Tao quickly points out that Matt Stairs offers everything that Green could and more . . . like a mustache and a willingness to breathe fire on anyone who looks at a teammate in the wrong way.

What York, Bergkamp and The Tao fail to mention is the real reason why Shawn Green won't come back to the Toronto Blue Jays. Do you guys not remember the Quarter Past Cuckoo fan who sits in the front row on the third base side and wears a clock on her hat? Well, she's convinced that Green is out to get her, and since Jays management care so much about their fans, the signing simply won't happen.

A Run Of Boners

The Tao also brought my attention to the fact that Jesse Barfield isn't illiterate and will be writing a semi-regular column for cbc.ca. I can't express how nauseatingly terrible Barfield's first entry is. The Tao do a good job by calling the new column, Barfield answering the questions you never bothered to ask.

I just don't know where to begin in tearing this piece of shit apart.

First of all, no one cares about how a former player feels about the game. Secondly, even less people care about what the father of a nominal Major Leaguer feels about the game. Thirdly, how exactly is re-signing Scott Downs a major improvement if he was on the team last year too? Fourthly, how do the additions of Scott Rolen and David Eckstein scream long-term growth to you? Fifthly, how on God's green earth can you use "speaking of centre field . . ." as a segue into how you loved to play defence? You played right field for Christ's sake.

To give you an idea on how terrible this column is, my complaints only cover the first four sentences. Of course, in fairness, I'm sure Barfield has loved writing ever since there was a fee and he had nothing better to do.

Shit To Gold

While there's a lot of shit that covers the Jays, there are some nuggets of gold in the mire. We've mentioned Mike Wilner and Jeff Blair in the past as examples of excellence, but Jordan Bastian's tireless work deserves just as much praise.

In his latest blog entry, Bastian promises to spend more time in Florida this Spring than girls with low self esteem. He goes on to give a balanced opinion on the Jays latest ticket selling scheme, agreeing that it's good for the organization, but questioning why the tickets would go on sale to opposing fans before local supporters. In order to become the patron saint of the Blue Jays blogosphere, Bastian says he looks forward to questioning Godfrey about ticket sales when he gets to Dunedin. Stay tuned.

DJF Stadium?

Finally, The Suncoast News is reporting that Knology Park will soon be renamed. The home stadium of the Toronto Blue Jays during Spring Training is putting its naming rights up for grabs after Knology, a local cable TV provider, said it would not seek to renew its contract.

I'm thinking that if we scrape together enough cash, we can hire Tie Domi's brother to lobby Dunedin's Naming Rights Committee. It will only be a matter of time until the Jays play their pre season schedule out of DJF Stadium.