Eckstein Second Most Underrated in Bullshit Survey
A few observations before we get to something completely pointless:
- Tullamore Dew is an Irish Whiskey that nobody cares about who needed to create some busywork for the interns in their marketing department.
- David Eckstein is a midget, apparently, who plays with "heart" and "grit" and puts up shitty statistics. He has been called underrated so many times that he's practically overrated.
- Baseball writers who can't see through a really transparent attempt by some fledgling whisky company to put together a meaningless survey just to generate some buzz about their brand, and actually choose to participate in it, are a more-douchey-than-average segment of their already douched-up profession.
(FYI, bloggers who post the results of said completely meaningless survey anyway, just to take the piss out of it, are, at the very least, friggin' awesome, and most likely ruggedly handsome and well-endowed.)
So, Tullamore Dew wants to pretend that they give a shit who the most underrated baseball player is. Now, I'm not sure if these genuises have heard, but baseball has actually had a rather uncomfortable year when it comes to alcohol. Josh Hancock. Tony LaRussa. Gustavo Chacin. . . These names ring a bell? I'm sure there are more but I don't care enough about this shitty survey to actually look it up. So, maybe it's not the best idea to go around proclaiming that you're dedicated to making sure ballplayers "get their Dew"-- not withstanding the fact that this is also a seriously lame play on words. I mean, obviously I have no problem with people getting obliterated, passing out in random houses and waking up feeling like they got hit in the head with a puke hammer... but that's just me. It's maybe something Tullamore Dew could have given some thought to.
Anyway, Placido Polanco of the Tigers placed first in their little bullshit survey, followed by the Jays' new shortstop. About Eckstein these PR wizards wrote: "In over 3,772 regular season at-bats Eckstein has struck out only 305 times with an ironically low strike out total of 22 in 2007."
I'll be the first to admit that I don't exactly have Alanis Morissette's near-scientific grasp of the concept of irony, but I'm really not sure how that's ironic. (Hint: it's not) (Hint number two: it's not even fucking close. In fact, a guy who doesn't strike out much not striking out much is pretty much the exact fucking opposite of irony.)
Piss taken? Good. And now we can move on to the part of this post that you really want...
Without any further adieu, here are the top 10 most underrated baseball players as chosen by a bunch of douche bags at the behest of a company clueless enough to allow some shitty writer to misuse the term "irony" in a press release with their name on it:
Placido Polanco
David Eckstein
Grady Sizemore
Matt Holiday
Troy Tulowitzki
Aaron Rowand
Carl Crawford
Chase Utley
Magglio Ordonez
Mike Lowell
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20 comments:
Whenever anyone uses the terms "underrated" or "overrated", we assume that it means that they don't know shit about anything, but they want to have an opinion anyhow.
"Seriously dude, Bob Mould's electronic stuff is seriously underrated. But that Dean and Britta record is totally overrated."
Tulowitzki underrated? He was a rookie last year first of all, and everybody was creamin' their pants over him. I can't believe how ironic online surveys are!
Ironic, as written by Tullamore Dew:
It's like rain, on a Vancouver Day
It's a taxi ride, that you will have to pay
A pitch high and wide, that Eck always takes
And who would have thought, he'd swing at'er?
bwahahahahaahahhaahaaaahha!
Chris is Drew Barrymore to baseball's Hugh Grant.
How ironic.
Tao, I have no idea, but I'm willing to bet Bob Mould's electronic stuff is neither underrated nor overrated but merely shit.
Depressing fact that will make you feel old: that song came out THIRTEEN YEARS AGO.
That seems about right. No?
I think that they think its ironic because he wore the number 22 in St. Louis. Not saying its right but that is probably what they are thinking. Does anyone think we could make an All Grit team. Along with Eckstein I think you have to add Eric Byrnes and Aaron Rowand.
You have to appeal to idiots when you are peddling a blend. Fuck that swill.
"Any Glen will do"
Mike Lowell is one of the most overrated players right now. He will never have a year like that again. He is old and overpaid.
He should probably go back to Florida and fucking shoot up.
Oh man, that was classic. Stoeten, seeing as it's "Share a moment you made an ass of yourself at the ballpark" day, you should post here about how you screamed that at the top of your lungs in the stands one time and the whole section turned and looked at you with mouths agape.
Uh, never mind. I guess that's the whole story.
Man, there's an awful lot of players on that top 10 who aren't quite underrated...really, that is just a list of 10 players who are...rated, Polanco excluded. How could a Red Sox player be underrated? Lowell had MVP whispers last year for Christ's sake! Ditto for Holliday! How the hell are rookies and award candidates being called underrated?
Great work ripping it stoeten, solid post.
If you look at those players out of context and ask what doesn't fit here; you'll come up with ekstein. That list has allstars, with one overrated (lowell), one young good player (polanco), and ekstein. He doesn't fit at all.
polanco aint young
Who's overrated: Skank in the front of the pic below with Sidney Ponson.
Who's underrated: Skank in the back with Ponson's fatter friend.
It's a fact. We learned it from Alberta Springs Canadian Rye Whiskey.
ah my apologees for the typo/mistake with palanco, but my point remains. ekstein doesn't fit. JMACCCCCC
Having a point about a list this useless and contrived is about as meaningful as 'breaking' a trade on NHL trade deadline day.
"This just in: Some city that isn't interested in hockey traded Todd White for a 17th round draft pick. Also, it's sad people Canadians think that I'm a celebrity sports journalist. I'm Bob McKenzie. I'm hideous and should definitely not be on TV. Fuck, even I hate me!"
The only good thing about TSN is Vic Rauter and that video of the rather mannish Jennifer Hedger making out with another chick.
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