Jays Want Monkey On Their Backs
Hey, everybody! Look at me, I'm Stoeten. I'm too good to write about locker room monkeys.
Well, now I'm Parkes and I'm not such an elitist.
Jeff Blair mentioned yesterday that the Blue Jays, led by Shaun "North Of Steeles" Marcum, are seeking approval from GM J.P. Ricciardi to get a clubhouse monkey for the coming season. Even Frank Thomas is on board for an extra set of opposable thumbs in the locker room.
My guess is that Ricciardi won't have a problem with it seeing as though there's been a hole at that position since Rey Olmedo was picked up off waivers.
I know what you're thinking. Just like Jesus, monkeys are pretty played. I agree. In fact, my vote would be for a clubhouse weasel or marmot. Or if we wanted to keep with the whole evolutionary theme, maybe one of those tree shrews that we're descended from.
Do those even exist, or am I imagining something?
I'm stealing this joke from Grade Ten Stoeten, but if the Jays do get a monkey mascot, I hope they name it Shock, and introduce it to a mid-90s Chicago Bulls style laser light show with Peter Gabriel's "Shock The Monkey" blaring in the background.
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8 comments:
Doesnt TSN use a monkey to predict the NHL playoffs? Maybe they can get that monkey to come and hang out in the clubhouse.
Don't they already have Eckstein?
hello newman tell these anti-semitic fucks that today is purim the one day a year we are actually OBLIGATED to get tanked...seems like a holiday that would get a shout-out round these parts
what it is snitches! i wonder if the fellas are planning on taking the weekend off again.
We're gentiles, dude. Purim is pretty cool, though. (Or more like, pretty jew-ool. Meuh!)
The Shock the Monkey joke was probably the highlight of my life. Oh, and Parkes, for the record, I'm not too good to write about it, I just wanted to say I was going to "ape" the story. Zing!
Queen Esther was hot. Purim is that holiday, right? I was in Williamsburg over Purim one year and a rabbi told me all about Queen Esther and the King's scepter rising when she came into the room. That's some thinly veiled fucked up shit.
"Are you telling me God couldn't hit a curveball?"
The only time religion should be mentioned on DJF in my opinion! *ha ha*
Luke was such a focused gamer. The guy sat through Shock the Monkey on repeat for about 2 hours while he played Ring King. He fucking sucked at that game too.
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