Monday Grab Bag

Apparently nothing was going on in either Naples or Fort Myers on Sunday, because both the Naples Daily News and the Fort Myers News Press had articles about Jays 2007 second-rounder John Tolisano getting a Spring Training at-bat in his home town. The Daily News live blogged the fucking thing. Seriously. Which isn't to say that Tolisano-- who led the Gulf Coast League (single-A) in ding dongs last year-- isn't an impressive prospect with the bat. It's just... that's kind of really fucking ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as the News-Press' headline: Blue Jay's Tolisano turns heads at game against Twins. These are the people you're defending, Costas.

The New York Times have come down firmly in the very crowded "maybe, but not really likely, but we're not sure, but probably not" camp with regards to the Jays' chances of toppling the Sox and Yankees this season. On the slightly optimistic side, they quote an anonymous NL scout saying, "“I don’t think they’re as good as the Red Sox or the Yankees, but this is probably the closest gap or lack of a gap that I’ve seen for a long time.”

The National Post continues their fine work down in Florida with a piece on Armando Benitez, who might just make the team. "He's ready to go," Frank Thomas told John Lott. "Same guy I've seen over the years. I thought he was behind. Wow." Somehow, though, I think it might not be the best idea to put a lot of weight into the Big Hurt's definition of springtime readiness. (Oh, though the baseball crew is doing fine work, it's too bad other sections of that paper are full of complete shit regarding the raid at the Comfort Zone-- which did not, in fact, include the Silver Dollar. And yes, I'm aware that probably sounds like Chinese to most of you, but I wanted to bitch about it anyway.)

Gerry Fraley, who is an idiot, faked his way through a recent piece on the Jays for the Sporting News, and did a half decent job. Of course, by his standards a decent job only requires not suggesting that David Eckstein's arrival was going to improve the Jays' infield defense.

Snappy the Turtle (aka Jeff Blair) is actually excited for something: Brett Cecil is due to pitch an inning in Thursday's game. The Jays' top pitching prospect, it's said, has a chance to be one of those guys who rockets his way through the system incredibly quicky. In other words, this might not even be the last time we see him in a Jays uniform this year. Also, here Blair refers to the Jays' closer as "the Beej". I'm pretty sure we started that. If not, I'll still take credit for it.

Jordan Bastian has a nifty little article on Frank Thomas over at MLB.com, and even though there's really nothing funny to say about it-- except to point out the part where Thomas put Alex Rios in his place by crushing a ball in BP, immediately after Rios had called his last one a "can of corn"-- I figured I would mention it anyway.

The Sun's Steve Simmons, somewhere in a mountain of bullshit, gives more credence to the rumour I'm hoping to start: "The Mets apparently have more interest in Reed Johnson than the Blue Jays do," he says. Fly little rumour! Fly!

Griffin put together pretty much the same piece that Gerry Fraley did, based around Roy Halladay's comments that the Jays need to play everybody the way that they play the Sox and Yankees-- but for good measure he tossed in a beautifully awkward lead: "The first-inning at-bat by Scott Rolen may have seemed a mere footnote in the tapestry of yesterday's 4-1 Jays victory over the Pirates." Footnote in the tapestry???

Not Jays-related, and has already been well-demolished by the guys at Fire Joe Morgan, but have you seen what some piece of shit named Kevin Hench had to say about Rocco Baldelli in a recent "Hit List" for Fox Sports? "His latest DL-inducing 'injury' is exhaustion. Who does he think he is, Mariah Carey? And what is he exhausted from, the off-season?" Um... actually, you flaming fucking dickwad, Baldelli has an unspecified disease that doesn't allow his muscles to work or recover properly. Fox still has this piece of shit up on their site, and despite all of the comments, the FJMing, and whatever other feedback they've received that points out what an incredibly shitty thing this asshole is saying, they don't seem to be inclined to take it down. Or they're at least not doing it too quickly. So... y'know, fuck them.

Late entry to the Grab Bag comes from the Toowoomba Chronicle-- which I read religiously. Evidently 18-year-old 2B/RP Phil Vanderneut of the Toowoomba Rangers is poised to join Graeme Lloyd and Luke Prokopec on the illustrious list of Jays pitchers from Australia. He'll be signing a minor league deal with the Jays. True story. Oh, and what the fuck is with Australians and their names for stuff? I mean... Vanderneut? What kind of bullshit name is that?

More late-breaking stuff that actually showed up on the web around noon, as Wilner tells us that Frank Thomas's pre-game ritual involved uh... "power-shagging". Redundant much? I mean... it's not like the Tank is going to finesse some 'giner then have a good sob in the corner afterwards. . . He also refers to "the Beej"-- who in the second post of the day was described as complaining about soreness in his pitching arm, which obviously is really, really not good. Nobody seems to be too worried, but I'm sure some of the more hysterical fans will take the opportunity to scream about the sky falling. Oh, and on a good note, Wilner thinks that Brandon League "is the guy we all thought we were going to see last year."