Monday Grab Bag
Tonight's Matchup
The Jays roll into Baltimore this evening, where Scott Rolen is set to meet up with club after another visit to his hand doctor. Tonight Dustin McGowan (0-0, 3.27) and his fruity first name squares off against 23rd-rounder Matt Albers (1-0, 0.00) who aims to be the latest shitty, unknown pitcher to completely tie the Jays in knots.
Baltimore, City of Dreams
The Baltimore Sun offers this barely interesting fantasy preview of the series, which appears to have been provided by two writers from the local high school paper (I'm just going to assume that Baltimore only has one high school). Don't get me wrong though, I only say that because the article is shitty, the writers look like they're in high school, and they definitely appear to be from Baltimore. Woof!
Make Believe!
More MLB power rankings means more good news for Jays fans who believe in made-up bullshit! A day after being ranked third by the Chicago Tribune, the Sporting News (is that rag still around?) does the Jays one better minus one, ranking them third.
Sorry Kids, The Old People Are Talking
Pavement made a really incredible first record and then a bunch of other good ones too, and then Steven Malkmus went bonkos and broke up the band to become an NL-only fantasy baseball freak with a hard-on for Dustin McGowan. At least, according to my loose interpretation of an article in the National Post.
Blair Balls (Hey, I Just Got That!)
Blairsy suggests that the Beej might not be here if it weren't for Jeremy Accardo's inability to throw his shit finger fastball (aka the shitter, aka Count Shitula). He also provides us with a little look-see into the New York media, who are showing the first signs of mental instability over the lack of progress from Hughes and Kennedy-- or as they actually fucking refer to them, Generation Trey (which, for the record, is astoundingly stupid and I feel like a jackass even typing it. It's like the kind of thing someone's dad would say when trying to sound hip in front of his kid's friends, which would fail so miserably as to cause his son to finally decide, in that very moment of awkwardness and shame, that he's probably going to have to shoot himself in the face).
Nailing It
Our friend Jon Hale at the Mockingbird is doing his best to nail it, in spite of a nasty, debilitating Pitch F/X fetish.
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19 comments:
I don't care, I don't care, I really don't care
Did you see Dustin's facial hair...
the 4th paragraph makes my head hurt
as did the fall from my wheelchair
What a terrible fantasy preview, 5 paragraphs about the Orioles and then a line and a half about the Jays. You would hope that Orioles fans already know what's going on with their team, and if they're interested in fantasy ball they should be interested in the other team who they likely know very little about.
Is anyone else amused by the Orioles' new slogan ("This is Birdland")? Try it in a 300-like "this is Sparta" voice.
Is the game on TV?
399 on rogers digital in Ontario...
Frank Thomas kills the rally by grounding into a double play, dropping his average to .179
Oh.. but noo you guys were so right about him. He definatly has found his groove. There is no way that he is too old to be playing everyday.
Good to hear Buck Martinez doing this game.
I just sat the fuck down. Where is Rios tonight. Bam Bam is out in RF
Rios has been given the night off according to Gary Thorne. No health issues.
McGowans slide piece is filthy tonight and it is setting up his fastball in a very good way. Let's pray that it continues
Why did Rios not pinch hit for Stairs, lefty-vs-lefty?!
Why is our best hitter on the bench?!
Anonymous, I don't want to give you the satisfaction of telling you to fuck off, because that's obviously what you're crying out for, but seriously? You're going to write off Frank Thomas's career seven games after homering in three straight.
And did you actually look at how he made contact with the ball? Do you ever watch baseball? Do you actually know a fucking thing about it? It was pretty decent contact. A pretty good shot and a nice stab by Mora. It happens. Jesus.
I know we get shit on for acting like people we disagree with are idiots, but, um... I don't know how to end that sentence without calling you an idiot.
Correction: You get shit on for calling people idiots. I'm fairly courteous to people who are wrong.
Remember that idea we had last year. A "Be It Resolved . . ." email argument style post where we go back and forth calling each other insufferable cunts?
I think we should try that again.
So, was Frank Thomas too old to play every day in July last year? Or August? Or September? It's amazing how you can go from the best hitter on a team, to too old to contribute in a matter of months.
It's awesome that Frank Thomas sucks so much. So much, in fact, that since his hot start his On Base % has risen by sixty points in a week. Man, what a bag of shit. 8 walks in 4 games? Ghastly.
Parkes, you're a fucking idiot, that's not just me. You're a total prick to these morons, you fucking insufferable cunt.
Best game I've seen on TV this year! Why? Two words: Buck.Fucking.Martinez. He was clearly routing for his boys in blue (many of whom he coached under his tenure) and only bled corporate orange when he knew the suits would be watching.
Dunno bout that hair Buck! But it felt like the good ol days for those 3 hours last night with BM on colour. I could watch the rest of the Jays vs O's games on ch 399.
Nice swinging by Alex - he has 'future DH' written all over that bat.
K-man
Colin, if that's true, I hope the ghost of Charlie Parker curses the Orioles for an eternity.
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