Pissing It All Away

OK, OK. Simmer down here people. Are you seriously going to go fucking ape goof over Tuesday night's game? Yeah, it was a waste of a good hitting effort, but apart from Burnett shitting the bed-- like he's apt to do from time to time, kind of like, um... every pitcher-- it really wasn't so bad.

And no, this is not why AJ is .500 pitcher. AJ is a .500 pitcher because people still put value in a meaningless statistic like pitching wins. Oohhh, that Gustavo Chacin, he just wins. I don't care that he's a piece of shit with a brutal ERA who taxes the bullpen by never being able to go deep into games, because the hitters always seem to be "on" when he's throwing. And I know that that has absolutely nothing to do with him, and that I've already acknowledged he's a piece of shit. But duuuude. He just wins...

Enough with the .500 pitcher bullshit already. Let it go.

Anyway, the Jays' bullpen basically, sort of did it's job. Seriously. I mean, Tallet should have got out unscathed, if not for a bad throw from David Eckstein that cost two runs. Not that Tallet handled that play very gracefully or anything, and not that it was cool that he loaded the bases, but he induced an inning-ending double-play and the caught a bad break. Basically.

As for Accardo, he probably should have got the third out on Suzuki's hit, but it went barely over his glove. Then guy hits a triple. I don't know... it happens.

Frankly, this would have been about a jillion times more frustrating if the offense had just packed it in after the five-run second inning. With the way Burnett pitched, they didn't deserve to win anyhow. Am I wrong? And shit, I'll take the odd loss here or there as long as Frank Thomas actually puts in a hot April. What the hell can you say about Frankie T? Unbelievable.

Oh, yes, and I too had something in my pocket for Nicorette girl.

No Shitty DiNardo For The Jays
Turns out the A’s remembered Lenny DiNardo’s masterful 2+ innings of 8-hit, 6-run ball last July, and have opted to bring up minor leaguer Greg Smith for his debut tonight against the Jays. Acquired in the Haren trade, last year Smith was 9-5 with a 3.54 ERA in 22 games in Double- and Triple-A.

Hey, Remember the O-Dog?
Rumour has it-- thanks to our friends at MLB Trade Rumors-- that Orlando Hudson is looking for Chase Utley money (that's $15m per season) when he becomes a free agent at the end of the year. Now... that might just be a starting point (seeing as it's, y'know, insane—kind of like the people who think it was a mistake to have traded him), but it's still a whole lot of fucking money.

Um... actually, for those of you counting, it's more than the entirety of Aaron Hill's new 4 year, $12m contract extension. And almost twice as much as what Hill will make in his option years.

Think about that...

Foul Ball Follies
Yeah, so a foul ball hit off my hand last night and I couldn’t put the squeeze on it. So what? I honestly don’t understand what makes people go ape shit about catching a ball. Well… I mean, I understand it better than I understand what makes them go ape shit for a shitty free Rogers shirt, but still, it’s not like it was Willie Mays battling with Bob Gibson up there. Do I really need a ball that David Eckstein fouled off in an epic battle with Chad Gaudin? Meh. Not really.

And you know what? It actually kind of worked out for the best, because I follow the Drunk Jays Fans guides. And the guides tell me that what a man does when he catches the ball is he gives it to the nearest kid. And judging by the reaction of the twenty-five-year-old who picked up the ball after I knocked it down into the sweater he had draped over his seat, he was probably the closest thing.

Seriously, dude. You didn’t fucking do anything! A ball landed in your sweater. I understand how your lippy, fat-headed, aging child star-looking friend might be impressed—because he’s clearly a retard—but you, dude? I thought you were different. I thought we had something.

Oh, and thanks to Mr. Benevolence for asking if douche who picked up a ball out of his sweater was OK afterwards. I'm sure it is only through your benevolence that his sweater was uninjured. My hand’s fine, thanks.

UPDATE: Dick Griffin has been given a beautiful FJM-job!!!