Pregame Festivities: Rios and Hill Sign, Alomar Ascends, Jays Get the Blues

I'm going to be completely honest with you... I had a post all written up where I was going to shit all over the Jays for delaying the announcement of the Alex Rios contract until right before their home opener. Seeing as the terms of the deal had been public knowledge for over a week (yeah, it was exactly what we thought: $65m for six years, plus a $15m option for 2015), it seemed kind of seriously pointless and hokey. Didn't it?

Then, almost as though they knew a huge, steaming loaf was about to come down on their somewhat muppet-like heads, the Jays went and slapped the boner out of my mouth with a second boner, sneaking in the announcement that Aaron Hill has also reached an agreement. His new deal is for four years, $12m, plus a rare three option years in 2012, 2013 and 2014 (Club options, FYI). So... alright. Good on you, Jays. You win this round.

ANALYSIS: I'm still sober enough, I think, to add a few words about these two contracts, which I guess would be: Boooiiiiing! and Double-Booooiiiiiing!

Two really solid contracts for JP's resume right here. Both guys are getting security in exchange for giving up free agent years for what appear to be under-market prices. The Hill options are quite interested, in that the Jays won't be going year to year deciding whether to pick up an $8m option on him, but instead will come to the point of choose either one year at $8m, two at $16m or three at $24m-- so I'm told.

Basically, from a fan's perspective, these are very, very difficult deals not to like.

Get There Early To Spit Cheer on Roberto!
The Jays have asked fans to get to Rogers Centre for 6:40 p.m. tonight, so that there will be a full house for the celebration of Roberto Alomar's career, as his name is (finally) placed on the Level Of Excellence.

It's a long overdue honour for the franchise's best player and the first man who'll enter the Hall of Fame wearing a Jays cap. But... maybe it's a little understandable that they let this one bake a while longer than the other. I mean, perchaps it would have happened sooner if Robbie had picked, say... any other city in which to spit on umpire John Hirschbeck and then claim that he was a racist and making bad calls because he was bitter over the death of his son. Y'know... just maybe.

Anyway, let's all forget that... and let's also forget the way he turned into a six year old girl the day David Cone got traded. . . Or the happy little incident with the female acquaintance who loaded up her ol' .22 and made her way to the SkyDome Hotel with the intention of murdering him and then killing herself. (She was from Port Hope, give her a break.)

But holy shit, let's not forget Robbie's mantastic quote on the subject: "I'm not scared. When it's time for you to die, you die, no matter what."

Awesome!

Hmmm. Anywho, I guess you sort of can't think of Alomar without remembering all the baggage. But, not to get all sentimental or anything, what say we cheer the hell out of him anyway tonight? (This means you too, Massholes.) Who's with me?

Blue Debut
If you're anything like me (what the hell do you think this rash is?), you'll be so drunk by the start of tonight's ballgame that you might not quite have the mental capacity to figure out what the hell is going on down on the field. So let me give you one tip that will almost certainly save you from undue stress:

You're not having a stroke, and the alcohol poisoning has not started screwing with your rods and cones (yet). Those really are your 2008 Toronto Blue Jays down there in the fruity blue uniforms.