Random Blue Bird Droppings

I've been informed through numerous emails and text messages that Bugs & Cranks scribe Spencer Kyte has taken to calling his new Blue Jays column "Bird Droppings."

Of course a man in my situation might point out that the market had already been cornered on relating random notes on the Toronto Blue Jays to bird feces. However, I've decided to be mature and take the high road on this one. I recognize that it would be foolish to embark down a path that leads to physical confrontation or a series of angry emails.

No, a situation like this could only be dealt with one way:

FLAME WAR!

Kyte, you toss mongering hack who's infected his reluctant readership with creativity-lacking musings for far too long, how dare you misuse my intellectual property (Bird Droppings) to further advance your own drivel!

You have wronged me, and I demand compensation!

Griffin's Mailbag Is Back

I believe I speak for Stoeten as well when I say that we've actually been trying to cut back on our shit drops for certain bearded members of the local baseball media who churn out insufferable self-congratulatory mailbag answers on Wednesday afternoon full of archaic thoughts on baseball.

However, today's mailbag is just too much to not mention. I don't want to get into it too much because nobody does angry rants at the local media better than my co-writer (and I wouldn't dare attempt to steal his schtick - you hear that, Kyte?), but for your reading pleasure I'll reprint Richard Griffin's answer to the first question in today's mailbag.

Griffin:

I find the general attitude of seamheads and stat geeks like yourself towards real, human, flesh and blood players that don’t measure up to your computer-generated ideals to be sad. The so-called outpouring of love towards Reed Johnson from fans and from this mailbag last week has nothing to do with Reed’s throwing arm or the fact that some statistical proof can be generated from a website that shows Shannon Stewart capable of producing 17 more runs than Johnson in a 162-game season. It has to do with the fact of dealing with a decent human being that has not been treated with the same respect he has shown the game he has chosen as his profession. I talked to Reed the morning of the game in Lakeland the March date where you might recall that everyone outlined the showdown situation between Johnson and Shannon Stewart. After I turned the tape recorder off I told Reed: “I don’t think that leaving this team is a bad thing. I think you would be better off going to a team like the Cubs. The fans would love you. You would have a chance to get more playing time and the organization, if they went to the effort to trade for you, would obviously give you more respect.” He smiled when we talked about it and agreed and I believe he is in a better place. Therefore, it’s not a matter of ripping the Jays organization for dealing Johnson. The guy is still earning almost $2 million and has many earning years ahead of him. But please recall how Jays’ GM J.P. Ricciardi dissed Shannon Stewart when he originally traded him to the Twins for Bobby Kielty. Shannon is older now, still running against the wind. I don’t blame you for your immaturity. It’s easy for someone on the outside looking in to disregard the humanity of players. But it’s difficult for someone that has been in the major-league game for 35 years to do the same. There will never be any apologies from my part for caring about players as human beings, no matter how flawed their skills may seem when run through a computer.

How nice. I just love how he extends his care for the humanity of players to the humanity of those working in the front office and management as well. It certainly shouldn't be a part of an unbiased journalist's job to criticize the performance of someone he's being paid to write about even though he's developed a relationship with that person. How immature of me to expect that.

I also guess that any other journalist covering the Jays who favoured this deal must be absolutely heartless.

I imagine that Stoeten will have more to say about this later.

Note: I don't know if it's something we should be particularly proud of, but a Google Image search for Richard Griffin brings up a pic of our homeless friend as the first option.

Scutaro For Stairs

Other than second guessing John Gibbons decision not to bunt in the top of the seventh with Aaron Hill on second and no one out, Jays fans have been lighting up message boards wondering where Matt Stairs was in the bottom of the ninth when Marco Scutaro was sent to the plate with two out.

There are actually two answers to this question. First of all, Mariano Rivera (whom I can't bring myself to call Mo) eats pieces of shit and left handed hitters for breakfast.

He eats pieces of shit for breakfast?

Yes, and left handed hitters too.

Secondly, if Stairs isn't ready to go today, he's expected to go on the disabled list. Playing him last night would've fucked up his retroactive status and forced him to sit out longer than necessary.

I also heard on last night's radio broadcast that we should look for Joe Inglett to receive the call up over Adam Lind, if Stairs is forced on the DL.

The Melky Way

Just in case you're a sick masochist, looking to rub some more shit in your cuts, after Rod Black's constant slobber mouthery of the Yankees lineup last night, check out some pathetic Yankees blogger (and Spencer Kyte colleague) who decided to list a bunch of random potential catch phrases for Melky Cabrera's defensive wizardry.

Tonight's Game

The Jays and Yanks go at it again tonight. This time the Yanks send Mike Mussina to the mound, while the Jays counter with A.J. Burnett.

Rod Barajas will start his first official game as a Blue Jay behind the plate.

Not that we should expect to see him tonight, but a commenter earlier pointed out John McDonald's impressive numbers against Mike Mussina. His overall numbers at Yankee Stadium are nothing to shake a de-sexing stick at either.

After the game, check out The Grill Room on Sun TV at 11:00 p.m., where DJF's very own Andrew Stoeten will be taking on Mike Ganter, Garreth Wheeler and Mike Wilner in some master debating. Hopefully the young ones will be in bed by then because it won't be pretty.