The Drunk Jays Fans Podcast
The rumours have been circulating for a while now, and I'm here to tell you that it's true.
Andrew Stoeten has no penis.
Also, we made a podcast.
The fine folks at The Score contacted us a little while ago, and after much procrastination when we should have been planning, our first effort at radio magic has been made available exclusively for your scorn.
Listening to it as I type, I feel a little bit like that Far Side cartoon where the two nerds are recording themselves and can't get over the fact that their voices sound "weird."
Thanks to our guests, Mike Wilner, Jill Clark and the Tao of Stieb, listening to the podcast shouldn't be a complete waste of your time. Henceforth, I promise to: never refer to anyone using a Mr., Mrs. or Miss prefix, laugh at any jokes while recording or question the skills of anyone on Prime Time Sports ever again.
So, check it out. Send us your feedback. And we promise you it will only get better from week to week. I'm fairly sure that you can also subscribe to the podcast via the iTunes store.
We'd like to thank Joe Ross and everyone at The Score for giving us the opportunity to annoy people in another medium.
I'd also like to dedicate our first episode to William Houston, who just turned over in his grave and he isn't even dead.
Posts
94 comments:
first comment!
YES
first comment!
YES
We can't believe that you hid Jill Clark from us.
Hottie horders.
Oh shit. That second one makes little sense.
SENSE
little sense.
Why don't I go fuck myself. Shit.
Jill Clark's website has a porn feel to it.
But for the life of me I can't find any nude pics on it. Such a fucking let down.
Maybe Parkes should check it out. It may help him with his twentysomething life crisis that he seems to be in when he's sober.
Parkes's's whole life has been a crisis. He's been asking himself the following ever since high school: "but what does it mean"
And now he's going about trying to spread the "Stoeten has no penis" rumour after my years of spreading the "Stoeten has a horsecock" rumour.
Parkes, why don't you go destroy someone elses rumour!
What I meant to say is that he doesn't have a man's penis. It's literally a horse cock sewn on where a normal man's penis would be.
Was that intro music from MLB 05 on purpose? bc its awesome
MLB 05 was amazing and that is the first thing I thought when I heard that music.
yea fucking amazing game and song, good intro. Btw I want that short sleeve shirt you guys were talking about, fucking sweet...wait DRIVEL
46 minutes of my life down the drain
OH I'M ANDREW STOETEN, IM RATIONAL ABOUT ALL MY CHOICES IN LIFE. INTANGIBLES ARE STUPID. YOU GUYS ARE FUCKIN STUPID.
Awesome!
Congratulations motherfuckers, you made it big.
Fuck Buzz Bissinger.
Listening to this is like a bad dream. I have no recollection of any of this shit at all. Parkes, what was in that jug? I can't even string a sentence together. I'm so hungover. I think we should have Priestman on next week and we can debate who has a better house.
So... Jill or the Nicorette girl? Now that you've seen the former up close, which do you choose?
Next week try and get Griff. I would pay money for that one.
nice job guys on your first podcast, seriously it does have solid potential. Especially when you get used the forced talking on there. Nice to hear me mentioned albeit in a douchebag light. Anything to get famous eh?
Second point, overbay should definately hit at the top with that OB%
ooo getting grif would be brilliant
I'm with Throw Some D's. Do tell: Is Jill a hot babe or would she pass as one of those overweight Reitman's models? Hard to tell on the jumbotron....
We're saving Griff. Let us get our feet under us before we put ourselves in that position.
She's only into guys like Nick Swisher.
And oh yeah, I apologize for the wasted time. We'll get better.
you assholes ask Jill Clark about girls and baseball and didn't go to the expert? Psssh.
Give us another chance Joanna!
And everyone else.
Oh, and last thing: HUGE thanks to Jill and the Tao and Wilner for carrying our sorry asses.
You guys are now corporate tools that the score uses to get "younger, hipper" viewers now.
Great podcast guys...I like how you hung up on Tao...that was good stuff...I also like the "Playoffs!" reference...that will never get old...
Abigail: Yes. We're total whores.
Not that I didn't enjoy it.
Dear Whores,
Way to go. It was a little rough around the edges but at least The Score let you just go with it and did not make any attempts to sanitize it.
Stoeten, I particularly appreciated you choosing Vincent Hannah from Heat for your Pacino impersonation. Awesome.
Thoughts all;
Should we trade some of our pitching depth for a solid bat? like Steve Phillips suggests? (Dunn, Bay, Hamilton; all those teams desperately need pitching)
I'll just throw out the Scott Kazmir reference here as it would no doubt be mentioned soon enough.
I'd want to see more of Lind before doing anything like that. However, Hamilton was acquired with pitching, and there's no way they're getting a Volquez-type back from the Jays, so I don't think Texas would do that in a million years. Or is there some other Hamilton I'm not thinking of?
I love how you got one of your buddies to act like the mythical "stoeten". We know that its just a Wilner pseudonym that he uses to exorcise his desire to curse out all the callers that he hates.
I want a Stoeten by-way shirt! What do I have to do?
Maybe he was talking about Brad Hamilton?
Good work. Parkes, you're now one step closer towards taking over PTI. Stoeten, you're one step closer to becoming the next Mike Toth. Bergkamp, you're one step closer to a 12-step program. Way to stay true to the blog's name: You sounded as drunk as a welfare recipient on the first of the month.
Do all you people actually enjoy listening to Stoeten and Dustin talk? Yikes. This world has a sickness about it, don't it?
Parkes, are you dragging your ass to the game or not?
Wicked--take a bow guys, I can see you deviants really running with this. I've done a ton of radio and it will get easier--get a few of these under your belts and soon you'll be talking the same way that you post. (Trust me--when I'm on I simply do not shut up ... Best Regards eh?)
One bit of advice--be yourselves. Never forget, that's how you got to this point. Don't mess with the winning formula.
Knock 'em dead (I hope you get Richard Griffin at some point ... heh).
Best Regards
John
Three fun things about being a guest on the Drunk Jays Fans podcast:
1) Being put on hold and hearing a very polished radio voice talking about MMA, and thinking "Err...are we on the right show?"
2) Trying to discern which Drunk Jays Fan was which over the phone as they were drunkenly talking over top of each other.
3) Getting hung up on.
Hahaha. Yeah, we sorta skipped radio 101 and jumped straight in. The hosting duties will rotate my way next week, and I'll be taking the suckitude to a whole new level.
Also, John, sadly that WAS Dustin being himself.
Thanks for not shitting on it too badly, folks.
Is it possible to actually download it, rather than stream it off the site? The subway is a lonely place, and my desk is a supposedly a silent place.
The new version of RealPlayer allows you to download streams. Or if you have Firefox you can use their Download Helper.
Not sure if either of those will work for this particular setup, but give it a shot. Download Helper is way worth having anyway.
Phillips suggests Josh Hamilton, I doubt as well Texas would give him up easily
I think just on principle because of all the great things that have been said about Volquez (at least, they were being said in the spring) they'd be really, really reluctant. I'm just thinking, if I was a Rangers fan and I gave up Volquez only to end up some Jays pitcher. Unless it's Marcum or McGowan, of course, but then the Jays would be pretty dumb to do that, considering Burnett's gone next year.
Hahaha. Yeah, we sorta skipped radio 101 and jumped straight in.
As did I.
The hosting duties will rotate my way next week, and I'll be taking the suckitude to a whole new level.
Maybe you should have "Summer of 69" as your intro music then?
Also, John, sadly that WAS Dustin being himself.
O.K. you're regally consummated then--perhaps a discussion of methodologies pertaining to stadia-related feline pugilism might perk him up a bit?
Thanks for not shitting on it too badly, folks.
Well, this place kinda rocks (don't let it go to your heads) so I don't see how you won't get this up to that level.
Best Regards
John
I can't subscribe to your Podcast, whatever link TheScore is putting out there seems to do nothing.
Better call Adnan Virk and Cabbie if you want something to get done.
John, if you're shamelessly angling at being our next guest . . . it's working.
Eckstein is batting 9th tonight! Maybe Wilner got his hands on some compromising photos of Gibby. We'll know for sure if Johnny Mac comes in for defense later...
I just wanted to echo Stoeten's sentiment thanking everyone for not shitting down our throats for our first try.
That's mighty decent of y'all. And probably something that I wouldn't do if it was someone else.
John, if you're shamelessly angling at being our next guest . . . it's working.
I could give your podcast the same mojo Henry Winkler and a pair of water skis did for "Happy Days"!!
Best Regards
John
abigail, steve phillips did not make the kazmir trade. jim duquette did
Podcast was OK. small sample size. I love the blog and I'm sure the podcasts will get better the more you guys do it. keep on truckin'.
A nice Jays-esque effort hitting with RISP there by the ChiSox.
HI MY NAME IS JI
JIM THOME.
Eckstein looked like a #9 hitter there. He's so scrappy, he fits anywhere in the lineup.
my workweek just lost one hour of productivity (on top of the countless hours lost on this blog). fucking eh!
there we go, thats more like it.
It's happening again...
wtf rolen
Stairsy-rection!!
I thought the podcast was great. Hilarious stuff, especially about Greer.
the link doesn't appear to work in firefox, for me anyway, in case some of you bums were having trouble
My god. Please save us from real player. I love you duders, but having to stream the page is just absolutely disgusting. Use your new-found power to usurp the retards in the Scores IT dept and deploy some decent software.
Hey guys,
Congrats on the podcast. I saw Wilner talking about it on his blog, and was glad to see there's a link on this page. I have a feeling that the DJF podcast is the reason the Jays are on a 4 (soon to be 5) game win streak!
Oh God... People, start sending the Beejjj good vibes. bases loaded on walks is scary, mind you it's the Horse we call Beejj so I'm probably worrying about nothing.
Man I almost got a boner because I was so right.
Johnny Mac came in for defense in the 9th inning. Combine that with Eckstein hitting 9th, and I think we can be sure that Wilner is now running the Jays.
boju would be a decent backup nickname for the beeeeejjjj.
he likes to make things interesting this year.
As nice as it is to see another team's bats flail away aimlessly, why can't I get over that our seven hits tonight were a very soft/weak/non-streaky seven hits?
I so want to believe.
A podcast is supposed to be downloadable, silly The Score IT department.
As nice as it is to see another team's bats flail away aimlessly, why can't I get over that our seven hits tonight were a very soft/weak/non-streaky seven hits?
I so want to believe.
A podcast is supposed to be downloadable, silly The Score IT department.
We win mothafuckas!
Maybe I should just quit being a nervous, click-twice-by-accident ninny. 8/30 is actually pretty good.
great work gents. If only Mike could be on every show.
Hay great podcast....which guy is it with the extre effeminate voice?...the Stoetenator?...Park-a-rama?...anywho, your podcast kind of reminded me of a poem by, ok i'm going to date myself here, the great Canadian poet Bill Bissett titled:
'A Warm Place to Shit'. Yes it's a real poem, maybe the 20-something chick....Jill is it? could read a few lines from it to open your next podcast....that would be great m'kay?
heres a direct link to the mp3 file if u want to download and not stream.
http://www.thescore.ca/programs/drunkjaysfans/podcast/djfep01.mp3
Nice podcast today, look forward to listening to more -- oh, and about that Nick Swisher thing, I met him today, he was a pretty cool guy. He must be the only one to ever go and grab a ball to sign for a kid that had nothing. Good on 'im.
Am I the only one who thinks Stoeten sounds like Kevin Smith?
Have you seen me, Chris? If I sounded like Kevin Smith, that would pretty much make me Kevin Smith, on account of looking like him. Ugh.
Playoffs!
Fatguy, obviously Parkes sounds like the fruit. Why else would he constantly be trying to reinforce his heterosexuality around here?
We'll see exactly how much power we wield with regard to that IT shit, but I agree entirely that a podcast should be downloadable. You don't really want to download that piece of shit, though. Wait for next week.
this is too good boys, nicely done - if you can do it weekly - i'll start sending a cheque, weekly.
i meant the podcast by the way, really - that is strong funny shit
WOW, I haven't heard something with that many shades of awful since the time(s) I got drunk, lost the remote and was forced to watch Rogers Community Television for an afternoon. But yet I’m waiting for the next instalment.
The podcast is downloadable...you dont have to stream it...
http://www.thescore.ca/programs/drunkjaysfans/podcast/djfep01.mp3
A lot of people are complaining about real player and streaming...download iTunes and subscribe to the podcast you lazy bastards.
Stoeten doesn't sound like Kevin Smith,he sounds like a bonafide 125% beer drinking Canuck who loves the Jays ,eh!Kevin Smith has that corny New Joisey(New Jersey) hickish accent that is so annoying to people down here in New York.There are people that grow up a half hour away from NYC and they sound like the rabble that Obama was talking about.Even worse I think he roots for the Tankees.............
@Scott: I'm pretty sure those of us who are adverse to using realplayer are just as adverse to using bloatware like shitty itunes. Realplayer and Itunes are like the yankees and redsox of music players (except they suck more and are much more useless). Just figured i'd try and tie my nerdiness in with baseball. (p.s. if the jays were an OS they'd be linux?)
Agreed, Ryth. They're both kinda pieces of shit. Especially iTunes, in my opinion.
Definitely Firefox and the Media Helper add-on are the way to go here, I think.
Also, not to sound like a total whore, but if people could maybe go to the Score's site to at least check it out, before downloading from the link above, it would be appreciated. We'd like to drive enough traffic to them that they keep us around to keep doing these.
Duncan, it's going to be weekly. And there's pretty much no way it isn't going to get better.
Not that I really have a problem with the Score's player. But I understand wanting to download it, and we'll definitely pass the feedback along.
entertaining, do more podcasts.
....hay i didn't mind the score player....it worked nice with Firefox in Linux & the Firefox 'Download Helper' plugin gave the option to save the stream iirc.
RYth, they must be 'Slackware' then & i think kernel module 'hit-risp.ko' ain't gettin loaded at boot.
So....5 game winning streak....you guys want to stop sucking each other's dicks long enough to write something new?
Oh yeah, the podcast was pretty entertaining.
rythe...
I have no idea what any of your jokes means...I was just joking around...
Excellent, excellent job on the podcast, gentlemen. The slick production definitely helps, kudos to the folks at The Score for hooking that up!
This place has come a long, long way in the year I've been reading. I'm glad that getting depressed over the Jays isn't something I can only do while perched in front of the computer anymore!
If you guys need website help, by the way, I happen to be a professional. Now that you've "made the big time," so to speak, just speak up if you want a hand running the show.
am i the only one who sprang a boner when Jill came...on?
Kev
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