Suicide Watch
It's one hour before game time, and I've already locked up the sharp instruments, thrown away my collection of belts and destroyed the pass code to initiate mass nuclear destruction.
I'm prepared for whatever the Blue Jays have to offer.
You may think that this pre-game ritual is ordinary for when games are broadcast on Rogers Sportsnet, but I promise you that this time it has very little to do with the worst case of ginger-vitis on television.
Usually the Jamie Campbell-inspired suicide attempts are just cries for help, anyway. Like the time I slit my wrists the wrong way or I stood on an immovable shelf and tried to kick it over while some Clint Eastwood rope was draped around my neck.
The last couple of nights I've been perilously close to ending it all based solely on the play of the Toronto Blue Jays. After last night's heart breaker for instance, I jumped off a fourteen story building, but like my favourite team, I couldn't even hit the pavement.
Tonight's starters:
A.J. Burnett (2-2, 6.07 ERA, 1.75 WHIP) vs. Tim Wakefield (2-0, 4.06 ERA, 1.48 WHIP)
Posts
44 comments:
Zing!
5.5 games back.
Cool picture,you captured the Zeitgeist of Blue Jays fans.I just saw famous baseball writer Bill Madden here on the Mets network SNY and he was shocked to say that the Blue Jays have the best 1-4 pitching staff in the division.He picked the Jays to make the playoffs,but looks like he has changed his mind.He looks like he should be on suicide watch!He had that betrayed feeling in his face that this team is so good on paper BUT so shitty in practice.Watch them make Wakey look like Pedro in his prime tonite.If they lose,BYE BYE Gibby.....Hello who?
Just listened to the Red Sox pregame show on XM radio, and some tool from some shit Boston paper said its gonna be one enchanted summer based on last nights win. God I hope Youkilis tears an ACL or we throw one at his fat fucking bald head, i hate this fucking team. We better get to wakefield and that little league knuckleball.
Rays win the division, i move to Afghanistan.
good start
Parkes, that line about leaping from a building may be your best yet!
I forgot my lunch today so when I get home the old lady made some chicken what not and I ate the whole god damn thing. She's pissed at me
rios steals...PLAYOFFS
Would ya look at that. A hit with RISP.
SCOTT ROLEN FOR PRIME MINISTER!!!!
If Gibby gets fired, does that mean Butterfield is the new manager?
god i love this guy, wish we had 8 more
FUCK MANNY
I was gonna skip the live comments while I did some construction, but I just needed to jump in after that diving grab by Hill for the double play.
So if Pedroia last night was Superman, what does that make A-Dawg?
how bout that scrappiness?
That was brutal. Hit the wall 30 feet up, Eck!
even when we get hits with RISP we still can't score runs
I will second that ZING!
I'm so happy they got rid of the fucking WHOOOSH sound when the scoreboard comes up.
Also home run Alex 'playoffs' rios.
nice shot. although they still are playing the fucking BOOMP sound with some stuff..
-jp
Auto Trader Dot Com.
Uncle Jesse!
so overbay goes in for scutaro, but jmac doesn't go in for eckstein? why the fuck is he even on the roster? hopefully we see him in the 9th
maybe gibbons is a full blown idiot...or he doesn't want to fight the 'scrappy' ekstein. Fuck it'd be a great drinking game with the amoutn of times the 'broadcasters' say that fucking word.
PLAYOFFS!
ther's some intensity. can we get any breaks? my god
LOLOL, did you guys see Gibby try to get himself thrown out but the umps wouldn't budge. No luck for Gibby in anything recently.
he did get tossed, almost as soon as he started talking
-jp
So we outscore the Sox 4-3 in a 3 game series and lose 2. Also, nothing that was wrong with this team yesterday is fixed today, just like nothing that was wrong with them Saturday was fixed Sunday.
Oh he did? Never saw the gesture from the ump.
Torgen, at least they hit several balls hard. Some were caught, some were not, but they didn't hit anything hard yesterday or the day before.
Everytime Beejj goes for a save something ridiculous or exciting happens.
Suicide averted for another day!
that balk call was rediculous. beej clearly didn't even hear the second base umpire call him for a balk (the umpire was too busy with theo epstein's dick in his mouth i guess...just like the rest of the MLB).
How bizarre is it that the two worst starters in our rotation so far (Burnett and Litsch) each have 3 wins while the rest don't have more than 2.
Goes to show what a useless stat wins are.
yanks lose again, we need a fucking solid winning streak to take advantage of their shittiness. i don't care about the fucking rays or the o's for that matter, as long as we can keep in check with the bronx and boston faggots
Excellent start for Burnett tonite. I think the game back in April when he shit the bed against Oakland and we lost our momentum set off a long crappy streak. Maybe tonite's game will turn the team the other way. Who knows. It's a strange, strange game.
The problem in Toronto is Matt Stairs. The future all time home run king of an over 40 softball league. He doesn't like playing for winning teams.
1995, traded to the Red Sox, strikes out in his only post season at bat. In the off season retreats to the middle of the pack Oakland Athletics.
1999, Stairs sees the writing on the wall.. The A's are gonna try to compete. He dominates, cranks 38 dingers. Has 1 hit the following 2000 postseason for a .111 average. Sees his chance for a raise and a pass on the postseason by joining the 3rd place Cubs. Bounces around the perennial losing Brewers and Pirates before settling in with the Royals.
He loves his time with the Royals. He can book his postseason hunting trip without worrying about where he needs to be in October.
2006 comes around, the Royals trade him to Texas. He likes Texas, no threat in his hunting season. Texas puts him on waivers and the Tigers pick him up, which normally wouldn't be bad. Unfortunately in 2006, Stairs had planned on hunting moose in New Hampshire. His entire plan was ruined by the Tigers and that magical run.
Determined to find a team that needs his power but likely will not do more than flirt with the postseason, Stairs finds his match with the Toronto Blue Jays. A great team in the wrong division. By producing, he sticks in the lineup, and by default the team needs him to flirt properly with the AL East.
In order to win the AL East, the team must rid themselves of moose hunting, future softball slugger Matt Stairs.
Apart from batting the midget at the top of the order and leaving him in late with leads, the problem as I see it, is the lack of Barry Bonds, and jerry curls, in the lineup. I would settle for Bonds. Therefore, JP needs to be fired. I don't think he's done a terrible job over the years but it is nonetheless time to give him a bottle of schnapps and a luger. There are other issues than the lack of Barry Bonds of course, but it is time for a new captain of the ship.
So Godfrey should fire JP for not signing Bonds when Uncle Ted and Cousin Paul told him not to sign Bonds?
mickey, that was pretty funny, but I hope you are just joking because without Stairs, this team would be 12-17 right now
no. There are other reasons. I don't actually think Bonds is coming in any scenario. That doesn't mean that change wouldn't be a terrible thing, if the slide continues.
Time to tee up the free swinging poor pitching white sox for a 4 game series. I just hope the Jays don't have some performance anxiety... sucks when u can't get up.
oh yeah, I was definitely joking. I love Matt Stairs, he's a pretty good slugger who just happens to be really easy to make jokes on. Not unlike Sal Fasano, David Eckstein, Brian Bruney, Doug Mirabelli and many more..though Stairs is easily better than all these guys.
i cant help want want to write Gritty every time I see David Eckstein's name. GRITTY!
So, we go 2 for 11 with RISP against a pitcher who throws the high heat at 60mph. P-p-p-p-playoffs!
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