Don't Get Too Close to My Fantasy -- Week One
After getting such excellent, concrete analysis on what's going on with the Jays courtesy of Keith Law, I thought we'd take a minute to update you with some completely fabricated shit. Week one of the Fantasyland season is in the books, and what a week it's been. We saw Wizard Ricciardi conjure up a spell to bring Cito Gaston back from the Land of the Retirement. Adam Lind found his way out of the Swamps of Syracuse to rejoin the team. And Joshua Towers fell further in the Pits of AAA. And ... oh fuck it, here are the standings:
I don't know if you can see that shit, but the Intangibles are in third place ahead of the Jays. I'm still learning here too, but the Overall Points is based on leaders in each category. The leading team in each category can get a maximum of 4 points while the loser in each, a minimum of 4 points. You can see the actual numbers the teams put up in the week in the Overall Stats. And as it stands, we're 4 points behind the third place Intangibles.
What stands out is that The Intangibles hit 22 RBIs for the week, the most of all four teams. While the Jays led, ... well, they tied in Sacrifice Hits with Boston.
Now in all fairness, some key numbers are missing from the Blue Jays' week. I had Inglett sitting on the bench and Lind wasn't on the lineup either so there goes a few knocks right there. Fantasy baseball requires that you constantly update lineups and shit and I'm simply too lazy to do that. Plus, even if Cito makes a change to the lineup, once the game is on, I can't change mine. So I'm going to stick with a Jays lineup each week (which will now of course include Inglett, Lind and McDonald seeing as that's how Gaston's hopefully going to play it). So whatever, a run missed here is also likely to be a run missed by The Intangibles as well. Point is, they're still hitting better than us for the week. Speaking of which, here's how they hit:
Think about it.
Only five at bats from Reed Johnson this week? Is it time to put in Jayson Werth? And looks like I can reinstate Tulowski instead of Lopez. I also still got an open spot on the bench. Any ideas?
Not only could this post prove that JP is an idiot, but also that I am a very poor fantasy baseball manager.
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10 rational and reasonable comments:
Michael Young.
Bergkamp, I bet that the Intangibles make the wild-card race interesting after the allstar break, and I think the Jays will finish last in the division.
I have Rios on my Fantasy Team this year, and aside from AVG and SB he's been god-awful for my team. Yet, I can't seem to let him go due to sentimental value.
Oh yeah! Why the fuck don't I have Michael Young on this team?
Ian, I got a bad feeling you might be right. This post was meant to be funny. Instead it's just depressing.
I think the MS Paint team-portrait of the Intangibles is the most badass part of it all.
bluejays.com is reporting that North of Steeles got good news about his right elbow.
The Doc is saying he can begin throwing Saturday.
That is very encouraging news.
The link says he got good news on his shoulder. It's a strain, so that's good.
The Jays need to stop listening to the Leafs when it comes to dealing with injuries. At least they didn't say Marcum is going to Dr. Andrews with flu like symptoms and comes back with a new UCL. The injury was barking for a few weeks... a normal organization (and media) would have figured out something was wrong and let us know. I wish these people with 'inside information' would actually do their jobs.
The media sucks anyway. Go blogs and podcasts.
The picture never stops being amazing.
Again, complete bullshit you have Tulo on the Intangibles. That should change.
Also, why don't you get rid of all the bench slots and just put max rosters positions so you don't have to dress anyone and it'll take care of itself?
Is this proof enough for Tulowitzki being on the team?
http://www.baseballthinkfactory.org/files/newsstand/discussion/richard_dansky_five_for_writing_keith_law/
Michael Young was a Gord Ash trade, but who cares!
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