Here's Something New... Shitting on Dave Perkins

These days the Star's Dave Perkins only occasionally pops his head into the baseball realm of things, which makes it somewhat difficult to figure out whether or not he's gone completely senile when it comes to the grand old game. He made an appearance in this morning's paper, though, and after having checked the reading on my patented Perkins Senility-o-Metre (TM) as I eye-rolled my way through his article, This one could come back to bite Jays (which came up "Typical Wilner Caller", FYI), I'm not going to lie: right I'm leaning towards completely fucking losing it.

I mean... what else am I supposed to think about a ridiculous title like that?

Or how about a line like this one: "If this team again misses the playoffs, come October we might be able to point back at this excruciating defeat and see the scars it inflicted."

Um... Really?

I suppose it's possible something like that could happen, but... uh... isn't it maybe a little premature to pin the Jays inability to make the playoffs four months from now on yesterday's loss? Call me crazy, but I think it probably is.

So what the hell is going on here? Is he trying to pick up Griffin's insanity slack? I realize that Griff's been struggling mightily to provoke the vicious ire of the blogosphere lately (just a slump, I'm sure-- keep on swinging for the fences, dude!), but trying to compensate for it just isn't necessary.

And yet the insanity continues!

"In the ninth, two Yankees went down easily and the next three men to face Ryan, namely Alex Rodriguez, Hideki Matsui and Giambi, were a combined 4-for-43 against him. Yet they – he – still couldn't close it out and now you wonder how seriously they themselves will take their chances in the next crunch moment."

What the fucking fuck? So... based on a tiny, two-Lind (TM) sample size, we're going to expect that every single fucking time, the Beej, merely 13 months removed from Tommy John surgery and still undoubtedly without his best stuff, is going to dominate three of the most dangerous hitters of the last decade? And if he doesn't there is something gravely wrong?

"They should have departed here and left the Yankees for not-quite dead, because they're never dead with their talent, but surely hurting and wondering whether they have the pitching goods to overhaul the teams in front of them. The Jays should have been on that plane with two out of three, looking at the Red Sox in front of them and leaving the Yankees behind.

Toronto has Baltimore and Seattle, two non-powers, on the immediate horizon at home and probably will get Vernon Wells back ahead of schedule (he began a rehab assignment last night). There was no better opportunity to really get the season rolling; they started yesterday only four losses behind the Red Sox with a licence to be confident. Now this."

Huh? "Now this"? Seriously??? Holy fuck, hide the razors in the Perkins house! I mean... yeah, the Jays should have won the game (if you ignore the gift of a dropped ball by Cabrera), but uh... I'm pretty sure they'll get over it. Once again, call me crazy if you like, but I'd sort of like to think that guys who have played baseball all their lives would have a little more perspective. No?

And, what exactly happened in the ninth inning of a 9-8 that would leave the Yankees "wondering whether they have the pitching goods"?

I'm not saying it wasn't an unbelievably deflating loss, but seriously? Seriously???