Weekend Blue Bird Droppings
I know this is going to shock most of you out there, so you might want to sit down (because I know most people stand while internetting), but as much as blogging about the Blue Jays increases your fuckability ten fold, it doesn't really do much for you financially. If anything, it's a bit of a hindrance.
This week was a great example. Instead of taking the proper time to work on the stuff that I actually make money from, I kept refreshing my Google News alerts on "Toronto Blue Jays" and trying to think of clever ways to say that Alex Rodriguez is a big homosexual.
A-Rod was told by his strength and conditioning coach to become a vegetarian, and he will, just as soon as they invent corn on the cock.
Success!
Anyway, my poor time management skills left me with an astronomical amount of work to accomplish over the weekend, which I only finished at 3:00 p.m. on Sunday. And it felt fan-fucking-tastic to finally get through it.
Fascinating, I know.
When We Last Left You
The Jays finished at 3-3 for their West Coast road trip. Friday night's blowout was followed by back-to-back extra inning losses, but it's still pretty hard to complain about any of the results. While losses of any variety sort of suck, I'll take a .500 record on a trip out West, especially considering there was no off day before they left, and the A's and Angels stand first and second in their division.
A couple notables:
Shaun Marcum actually appeared mortal, giving up eleven hits and a walk over seven innings on Saturday against the Anaheims.
I know that when the Glaus for Rolen trade was first announced, Jays management was trying extra hard to induce boners by talking about Scott Rolen's defensive skills, but holy shit, that diving pick and throw from his knees to get Torii Hunter on Saturday night . . . six to midnight.
Rowdy Rod Barajas is quickly worming his way into my heart, and it's not just because of his recent play at the plate or amazing arm accuracy when it comes to Reggie Willits. Every time Barajas comes up to bat, it's incredibly fun to annoy your friends by standing up, doing a double fist pump and saying "BAH-RA-HASS" as though your an ESL student praying to the Hispanic God of Home Runs.
Jamie Campbell Is Excited
I don't want to steal the thunder of our podcast, which was recorded mere hours after Jamie Campbell went into hysterics over the Angels win in extra innings yesterday. However, I was surprised to see that no one mentioned in the comments that the fucking ginger cunt seemed a little bit too ecstatic over yesterday's results.
Blair Is On A Roll
Hey sports journalist, while you're laying around, not checking up on sources and bemoaning bloggers for bringing on a culture of idiocracy, Globe and Mail writer Jeff Blair is out there finding his blogging niche over at The Globe On Baseball. It wouldn't be shocking to me if Bad Ass Blair wears a duster while doing it either.
How annoying is it to see journalists start up blogs on their newspaper or television network's website only as another web page to put advertisements on? The content of these so-called-blogs are either outlines for future stories or rejected column ideas, and the shoddy writing is usually enough to put a speed snorter to sleep.
That's where Blairsy comes in. This week he's been following news from around the Majors and in an amazing stroke of genius, is actually blogging by linking to other stories and giving his opinion on the matters he's writing about. How novel!
I Am Robot
I forgot to mention earlier this week that Roy Halladay is a soulless killing machine. After Wednesday's victory over the Oakland A's, Halladay was out doing long toss on Thursday.
In comparison, I'm too sore to move properly after a mere seven innings of wiffle ball.
Speaking of stamina, can you imagine what poor Mrs. Halladay's vagina must look like?
No, you grow up.
Stay Tuned
The stakes for Tuesday night's Yankees game were raised when it was announced that Joba Chamberlain will get his first Major League start. There's nothing that Jays fans like more than deflating the hype of a Yankees prospect. And so, we made an outrageous bet with the dudes from River Avenue Blues.
If Joba actually manages to start the fifth inning, we owe the guys from the Yankees blog some delicious Coffe Crisp candy bars. If Joba is pulled before the fifth, we receive a package of Cookie Crisp cereal straight from New York.
We're planning on live blogging the end of the young man's career from a drinking establishment downtown. We're still working on a location that has wifi and cheap drinks, but as soon as we get our shit together, we'll let you know so that you can join us tomorrow night.
This Stinks
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25 comments:
"We're planning on live blogging the end of the young man's career ....."
Who are you, Jamie Campbell, throwing out the "Young Man" identifier? I just hope "Professional Hitter" Matt Stairs (he's from Canada, you know) blasts a "Ding-dong" off him.
Pretty sure thing you win the bet....Count Jobula will be yanked through 4 on pitch count alone. Did you know that David Exxxstein and Scott Rolen really know how to work the count and foul off pitches? Another thing I learned from our friends on RSN.
I don't usually watch the Rogers feed but I did yesterday and almost shit myself at the end of the game. WTF!
I read on here how much everyone hates Campbell and now I know why. What an idiot.
It's still last week's podcast.
Yeah campbell had a ging-asm over that win yesterday. It was fucking bullshit. The guy constantly has a wet puss for the opposing team. How do we get the guy fired?
That was over the line weird yesterday. The guy is clearly clueless. I may be turning to the radio from now on.
I actually had the game on the radio while slamming some beers outside. Jerry and Alan showed the appropriate balance of professionalism and disappointment over the developments.
Rance must have been fighting the urge to cold-cock his buddy in the booth.
He's a fuckin' dork. Nothing else needs to be said.
Shannon Stewart is a homo. That ball should have at least been dove at in the ninth. It was coming straight down and Rios was right there to back up the play. The ball would not have gotten away. I knew at that moment it was over. The guy comes up short more than Hamm in the Oak Leaf Steam Bath's.
Anyhow, i'm not blaming the loss on Arkansas Stew . . . it was clearly the lack of timely hitting. We tack on one more and we win without a problem. Nice double play Rios! He's been Rios'n the ball lately . . . reminds me of 2006. Where has this guy's power been since the first half of '07?
Also, i'm not saying it was the wrong move to bring the Beej in . . . but Halladay gets a chance to close that game out. Burnett was pretty damn good. Maybe I let him go out there?
Parkes is that your letter in the Star today?
Is there a way to hear Campbell?
Didn't you guys meet at the Rhino earlier in the year? That place is alright. Huge beer selection and reasonable prices.
I dunno, maybe the team's solid play lately has raised my expectations too far too fast. But I'm pretty frustrated by the losses on Saturday and Sunday.
Saturday night in the 10th, Tallet's throw to first was as useless as a Mariah Carey skankball. What the hell was that shit, buddy?
And Sunday, the Beej's meltdown in the 9th is a non-issue if the Jays tack on a few more runs before that, as they had plenty of chances to do--including men on 2nd and 3rd in the 8th.
Bullshit!
Not to give everything away, but the Campbell audio will lead off the new podcast once it's up. And then we'll incoherently ramble about it, still in shock at how weird and wrong it was. Eventually we'll talk to Stephen Brunt.
I like how the guy in the video beside Sabathia leaves the vicinity immediately. I don't want to imagine what that would smell like.
I would like to see Jamie react that way to Beej's face. That day would be his last. Beej dropped a serious F-bomb after the plunking.
On the subject of last days, the day Doc reads this post is yours Parkes.
Maybe Jamie wants the Jays to lose because if the Jays keep winning, more people will start watching, and if more people watch, more people hate that fucking tool, and if more people hate him, he will be replaced by someone who isn't legally retarded.
I can handle our all star closer blowing a save once in a blue moon. I can't handle our announcer calling their hits like we did it.
The New York and Boston announcers are the exact opposite of Campbell... when the other team does well they sound like they're telling you that you have cancer.
And, my bet on Joba's line: 2.1 IP 8H 3ER 3W 5K
Gibby should play the audio of Campbell's call in the clubhouse before the Yankees series.
Then he should pull Doc aside and read him Parkes' commentary on Mrs. Doc's 'giner.
YOU WANT MOTIVATION, I'LL GIVE YOU SOME FUCKING MOTIVATION.
No, you grow up.
Speaking of which--these pics you keep digging up for this feature always crack me up.
Dear God, that is gonna be one flocked up paint job.
Best Regards
John
can i just say again that stew and exxx should be replaced in the 8th or 9th by competent fielders? if you're going to bring in a closer, go all the way.
The worst part of Campbell's call is that he's never had that sort of enthusiasm for any Jays' play.
What a cunt.
kill that fucker someone, please.
Yeah, that was serious bullshit on Campbell's part. If I wanted to hear a Jays announcer blow a load over the other teams plays, I'd watch Rod Black call Jays-Yankees games.
jamie campbell is artarded.
You guys are getting ripped in the comments section of river avenue blues under the post that mentions the podcast:
http://riveraveblues.com/2008/06/02/listen-mike-on-djfs-podcast-2943/#comments
Is it a coincidence that you made a grammar mistake when referring to ESL students?
Well, if we're being picky, it's a grammatical error.
I know, I was baked when I wrote that.
'Coincidence' is also an awkward and imprecise word in that context when considering what I was really asking.
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