Saturday Morning Beer Shits and Giggles: Checkin' in with Myself
Hey everyone, I'm back from my extendo vacation in Europe and I gotta say it was pretty damn relaxing. That might be attributed to the socialist way of life many of those fine countries lead where they actually enjoy an existence that involves not working once in a while. Or maybe it's the fact that when it's 30 degrees outside it's actually nice cause it feels like it's 30 degrees and not 43 degrees because of too much bullshit congestion. Or maybe it's because they serve beer that you actually enjoy the taste of. Or maybe it's because you don't hear about a certain Toronto Blue Jays fucking up a lead to blow it in the fucking 9th inning.
I'm serious, not hearing, seeing or thinking about the Jays for three weeks is about the best thing you can do for yourself this summer if you're feeling the stress starting to get to you. So it's not like you have to go all the way to Europe to avoid the Jays, but if you do be sure to visit the following ballparks while you're there:
The Leaning Tower of Pisa Park: Did you guys know they have a leaning tower in Pisa that looks like it's about to fall over? Seriously mind-blowing shit! If there's anything more indicative that mankind is going nowhere other than the wave, it's the masses of tourists getting their photo taken pretending to hold up the tower with their hand. Tourists, go fuck yourself.
Eiffel Tower Dome: Of course we didn't bother waiting in line for three hours to go up the Eiffel Tower. Instead I pretty much stuffed my face with baguette sandwiches and drank shitloads of wine.
Buckingham Palace Park: The Queen regularly checks out British lads cracking dingers into oncoming traffic. Crikey!
Note: Making fun of British peoples' accents while in England doesn't go over that great.
Piazza Park: I'm not going to lie to you, Florence is a big tourist trap. We should've spent our time in Cinque Terre instead. But if you find yourself stuck in this place, your best bet is to find a piazza with a nice atmosphere and eat pizza with anchovies and drink shitloads, ignoring how much they're charging you per beer.
It's good to be back. Go Jays.
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41 rational and reasonable comments:
this post succeeds in bringing the awesome.
Welcome back to the Depression !
The colonials (the Jays) sent a team to play near Bucky Palais? For what it's worth Italy has better food than the UK, Paris has more smelly people than anywhere in the West, but Canada has the Jays! Bergkamp, thank god you had a respite from this 4 day debacle. It was better to drink Peronis in Florence , then hanging out with the boys watching the Jays implode.
I doubt I'll watch another game this year after last night. Thank FUCK the Delta Force was on at the same time. I pretended Chuck was shooting the Jays.
welcome back bergkamp, you've been missed.
so much for the manny fantasy, seems like him and boras might be there awhile
What are the park factors there?
-brent in Korea
manny will go where he gets the most money, scott boras will see to that. hopefully the GM in Toronto, whoever that is in the offseason, recognizes that
The bizarro Kramer is going tonight-Feldman.
Good to be back in old Kanada I bet. And you know what they say about the Brits, you can tell em from afar but up close you can't tell em a fucking thing.
Rangers almost got Jaysed by AJ, but instead it's game over.
And Scutaro just ran us out of the inning. Good job.
move lind back to 8th
That only works if they have good hitters to put in front of him down there.
move barajas back to 5th
"Hi, I'm Rod Barajas, and I know a thing about being nails. That's why I use Nailco™ brand nails. They're the nailsiest!"
is it bad that I know they will find a way to lose this game?
Brevin Mencherson is pretty much the human rally-killer, eh?
"And Scott Rolen uses them too!"
And it's not a rally anymore when you already have the lead.
And also, Wilkerson stole a homer, so that's pretty nails. We can forget about it later, though.
Aaaaaaand then he goes and pretty much steals a run and makes me look like a fool.
the best thing is that douche didn't get a souvenir
The best part about it was that it was probably a trap, but he totally sold it.
he sold it... aside from the giggling...
Here comes Leaguer.
FSN guys got it wrong... it's Downs.
Ha... Rolen error lets some rook get on, then Downs picks him off. (Or not really, but got the call.)
manny homers
Looks like Lind's streak is over.
Should we hope Manny sucks so he can be cheaper for us?
I kind of nodded off from following the jays around the all star game. What's with this Manny/Jays talk? Just wishful thinking from bored, desperate blogger-types? Has there been anything printed beyond speculation?
Nobody's really speculating about where Manny will end up yet. There's a lot of anecdotal talk about him liking Toronto, and apparently he was a Jays fan as a team because of guys like Fernandez and Bell, and it's exactly the kind of signing that JP likes to make to draw attention away from hockey.
that's "as a teen"
Rolen swung (and grounded out) on a terrible 3-1 pitch right there.
Well, here comes Beej with a 2 run lead again. Hold on to your hats.
There goes BJ's streak of 6 straight Rangers reaching safely.
I was in Italy last year and in the guestbook at one of the churches/musuems/pallazzos, someone had written "Mike and Suzanne, from someplace, Mass. Go Red Sox Go!!" and then I began to truly understand the inherent loserness involved with being a Red Sox fan.
Beej in the 9th. eeeeeee. And this ump is a douche.
I know you guys didn't like the Scott Downs signing, but...
Rotoworld:
Scott Downs retired all seven hitters he faced in relief Saturday in the Jays' 6-4 win over the Rangers.
Downs has a 1.37 ERA in 52 2/3 innings this season. He's probably been the Jays' second most valuable player behind Roy Halladay. That the team bought out two years of free agency by signing him to a three-year, $10 million contract in January qualifies as one of the best moves J.P. Ricciardi has made in recent memory.
damn fuckin right about downs. he is a true rudey.
You do realise that British people don't say "crikey"?
Bergkamp, this post is fucking nails. Photoshop has never been so proud of the artwork.
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