The J.P. Ricciardi Bullshit Translator V.2

With help from The Blue Jay Hunter, version two of the JPRBT 3000 was rolled out over the weekend. Fortunately for us, some typical Ricciardi bullshit was also rolled out, and then flung on unsuspecting fans via a recent story in the Toronto Star by our favourite New York boulevardier, Cathal Kelly.

In the column, Ricciardi makes the following claims in bold. The JPRBT 3000 v.2 translation is in italics:

I don't really know how much we're going to look to spend. I mean, we'll do some things. But we'll probably be more judicious in how we do it.

I haven't been told if I'm coming back next season, but if I do, I'm sure that I won't be given an increased budget or have the autonomy I've had in the past.

[The Yankees] are always going to do things that we can't do. But we're pretty excited about what we have here and what we have coming. We're probably more set going forward. Obviously, we want to improve our offence.

It's important that I always reference the difference in payroll between the Jays and the two evil empires in the American League East. I realize this season is lost, so I should probably focus attention on the future of the ballclub and then, maybe I should hint at what we're going to try to improve in the offseason. Yeah. That'll do the trick. And make people forget that this has been yet another disappointing year.

We'd like to upgrade DH, but if Travis (Snider) takes over in left field and (Adam) Lind becomes the DH, or vice versa, we might not have to go that route. We'd like to upgrade (at shortstop). But if we had to go with (Marco) Scutaro and (John) McDonald, we'd be happy with that.

You guys all get the fact that I'm keeping my fingers crossed on Snider being Major League ready? Well, I'm going to try to convince you that I didn't get him up to the big club as a means of saving my job, but rather to evaluate him and see if he can save us money in the offseason. It's unlikely, but why not try it?

I'm probably not going to be able to bring in the free agents I want to, so I'm going to lay the groundwork now that we're okay at positions we're probably not. This should also help me when I have to explain to my bosses, whoever they may be, why I should be brought back for another season at the end of the year.

Look at the offensive numbers this year. It's like, bizarro. There's a lot of guys whose numbers have been good in the past, but they're not as good this year. So I think until we get to the point where we've seen those guys play another year or so, get a little bit of a track record, saying, `Okay, this is what those guys really are.' You can fill in the blanks. I'm not going to say the words. There's been a lot of false numbers in the past.

Steroids are bad. A lot of Major Leaguers were using performance enhancing drugs and that's skewered free agent contracts. Hey, that will be another good excuse for not making any free agent splashes this offseason.

Let's see. I've got playing in Canada, other big spenders in the division, injuries to pitchers, players not fulfilling expectations, and now no basis to judge free agent talent. Alright! My excuses are really rounding out nicely for the coming year.

There's a group coming in behind (the current roster) that's going to be really exciting. In two years, one of those kids could just go through the roof. It wouldn't surprise me if a bunch of them did. I like 'em all.

Look it, no one really knows how these prospects I've gotten are going to turn out, but while the experts are saying that I've got four or five great players on my hands, I'm going to make the most of it, and promote the living fuck out of them. Especially, when this season is giving me nothing at all to talk about.

We're at the point where you want to be as an organization. Now the last thing you need to do is be a playoff team.

We've underperformed and the organization is nowhere near where I thought it would be at the beginning of the season. Thank God that some of our prospects have had great years. If I'm back next season, I really have to make the playoffs just to keep my job. For realious this time.

Okay. I admit. I'm being hard on Ricciardi. Or rather the machine I designed and manufactured is being hard on the Blue Jays GM. In all fairness, it should be pointed out that even with yet another disappointing season slouching toward a finale, the organization isn't in the shitter as much as some of us let on.

The Jays have some truly excellent prospects on the farm, and the players who should be the key perfomers on a playoff-bound team are locked up or under team control. Even our weakest filled positions have an upside, be it John McDonald's glove or Rod Barajas' Spanish sounding name and occasional power.

I tend to teeter back and forth on this issue, but once again it comes down to asking whether or not the players on this team are simply not good enough or if they're underachieving. With no proper DH for most of the first half of the season, it's easy to say they weren't good enough. However, things have changed with the emergence of Lind as a middle of the order hitter and the potential of Snider contributing to the big club next season.

I suppose the new question that we could potentially be asking ourselves during the offseason is, "Will that be enough?" Judging by his comments here (which like all Ricciardi comments should have a "for what it's worth" asterisk attached to them), if Ricciardi is back again next year, he may be banking yet again on this year's team merely underachieving.