Griffin Live!

Richard Griffin is doing his live chat at the Star right this fucking minute. How the fuck did I miss the start of this? Give me a minute to try to catch up with the insanity train...

Q1: Richard Spackman Wants Peavy, Likes Griffin

Classic Griffbait with the introduction to this one. Has Griffin really gone away for the last while? I think it was just the mail bag, right? The Spackster is jonesing for something, whatever it is. Perhaps it's a fucking clue, as he's suggesting Accardo and Litsch for Jake Peavy would somehow make sense to San Diego. Not quite. And with the no-trade protection, the Peavy question is more moot than something that's really moot. Though I must admit, I wondered aloud a few weeks ago why more Jays fans weren't speculating on this-- perhaps the answer has something to do with the shutdown of Griff's mail bag.

Griff gets full marks for this one, and he even says that he believes the Jays could handle the contract-- none of that cutting payroll" nonsense here. Sorry, I'd like to complain. I really would.

Q2: Jon Empringham Makes My Brain Hurt

I suppose that in many ways I'm not like Griff. For example, if I saw a question that suggests the Jays should Mike Jacobs and shits on Lyle Overbay, I might not pay it any mind. Especially if it also asks why the Jays aren't pushing for Orlando "are you motherfucking kidding me" Cabrera as Eckstein redux. Griff is tiresomely shitting on Ricciardi's drafts again-- even though the other week he was saying that the Jays should have been trading away prospects. AndholyfuckingshithewantstobringfuckingShitskeback!!!! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK.

Q3: Andrew Illsley Wants To Trade Halladay

How's this for a shocker: Griff has taken a question about whether it's time to rebuild, and turned it into a classic loaf in Ricciardi's face. Why bother trying to point out that the "boatload of prospects" theory was a little bit torched in the Johan Santana deal. This is not the simple exercise Jays fans think it is, and frankly, it's completely unnecessary. How quickly so many idiots have turned from ten-game-winning-streak excitement to completely giving up on this team. I'm not saying it's not going to be difficult, but I'm sorry, fuckfaces, the potential is there for the Jays to have a good season next year. You won't be welcome back on the bandwagon if you don't want to admit that-- though I'm sure you'll jump right back on anyway.

Q4: Dwayne Boddy Likes Oliver Perez

Griff says pretty much what I would say about Oliver Perez, so... yeah... moving on...

Q5: Matt Ventresca Unintentionally Gets Griff Prattling On About The Expos Again

Fun fact: Did you know that Griffin was once the Expos PR guy? You know, Ned Colletti was once a PR guy, and now he's one of the most godawful GM's in the league. Huh? Huh? Just sayin'.
Griff likes Matty Stairs. Fair point.

Q6: Rob Brander Brings the Griffbait from Down Under

Oh look, it's shit on Wilner time. He's one of the very few guys around who puts fans who are plainly wrong in their place and understands all those crazy newfangled ways of thinking about the game-- like with logic and stuff-- so we'd better be sure to take him down a peg. Ugh.

Oh, and let's shit on Ricciardi for not living in Toronto. Way to fucking whip up more pointless anti-JP sentiment on an issue that is just absolutely fucking nothing. He has a blackberry, he has a phone, why do you seriously fucking care where he lives? Surely there are better things to slag Ricciardi on than this straw man piece of shit.

Q7: Davy P's Griffbait Is Not Serious-- Let's Hope The Rest of His Question Wasn't Either

Russ Adams as DH? Holy shit, how does this question not automatically get thrown into the ignore pile? Oh, I know, because we get to shit on Ricciardi for drafting Adams-- and then we get to pretend that Ricciardi is hiding a useful player in the minors because he doesn't want people to be reminded of a colossal fuckup. Because... you know... it certainly couldn't be because Adams sucks shit, and this question is a waste of everybody's time. Definitely not that.

Q8: A. Porter Walked Right Into That One

Should the Jays play in the NL? "With the popgun offence J.P. has assembled and with our status as the Vaughan of North America, “the country above the U.S.” we are better suited for the International League." Wocka wocka wocka! (OK, fair point.)

Q9: Michael Kostoff is My Favourite So Far

Surprise surprise, Griff stands up for his brothers in teh BBRAA. It's probably true that teh guys in the BBRAA put more thought into their awards selection than the coaches and managers-- who are fuckawful, as a general rule-- but that doesn't answer our friend Michael's question, does it. Just because one group of award voters sucks less than another, doesn't mean that they didn't also fucking suck. Read Joe Posnanski destroy Tom Boswell on his jibberish about why Ryan Howard deserved the NL MVP. Oh, and Griff sez Cliff Lee had "a Cy Young year". Holy motherfucking shit am I in 1985?

Q10: Justin Booth and Griff Like Jon Garland

4.90 ERA and 1.51 WHIP? What 4.90 ERA and 1.51 WHIP?

Q11: Joe Badali TL,DR

It's called player rights, Joe. Long fought, hard won, rights. It's a good thing.

Q12: Dave Y. Likes Retro Uniforms, Improvement

Griff's recipe for improvement is now to "sign good veterans on their last legs to one-year deals while their injuries heal and their own prospects develop."

Was it not just last fucking week that he said they should be bundling prospects for MLB talent?!!???!?????

Q13: Richard Armstron Asks An AJ Injury Question

I don't really care about this. AJ is not coming back. Next. . .

Q14: Gary Fisher is Concerned About RISP

Griff really does like Orlando Cabrera. Ugh. And apparently there is something about the Jays uniform that makes players struggle to hit with RISP. Fuck off. Oh, and let's shit on Ricciardi for trying to get fans to come out to the ballpark by insisting that the Jays are contenders when they're not, as though he's doing that because he's nothing but a lying dick, and that it's not... I don't know... his job.

Q15: Alex Martin Asks About Shitballers

Griff would take a flyer on Kenny Rogers??? 5.70 ERA and 1.63 WHIP? What 5.70 ERA and 1.63 WHIP? He'd pass on Brad Penny, but would take Pedro-- because Pedro had initial success in Canada, and our magical ground is obviously a factor. Paul Byrd I can agree with.

Q16: John Valvano Asks About Milton Bradley

Griff doesn't outright dismiss the topic of being a clubhouse cancer, because Griff believes in that nonsense, I guess. JP, he says, would have been fired in October if anyone in Rogers management had the stomach for a GM search. Riiiiight...

Q17: Pat Connors Wants To Blow It Up

Griff figures the Jays owe it to Halladay to trade him if they start rebuilding. Ugh. No, they owe it to their shareholders to make money, and if you want to really get warm and fuzzy about it, to their fans to do what's best for the team. I fucking love the Doc, but don't be ridiculous. I also don't think that Rios is untradeable, as Griff suggests. Wells... yeah.

Q18: Tim Amor Wants the O-Dog Back

... and Griff pretends that it's JP's long memory and not the fact that it makes no fucking sense that's keeping this from happening. He also wants Lind at first base and Overbay gone, because apparently he paid as close attention to the last couple months of the season as I did. Gaawd. It's depressing that someone legitimizes this bullshit.

Q19: Tony Del Rio Wonders About David Purcey Being Good.

I'm with Griffin on the big no.

Q20: Sandy Webster Asks Another Question About Trading Halladay

Griffin at least tempers some of his comments on trading Halladay. Whatever.

Q21: Marcus Heinrichs Gets Griff To Say Something Stupid

JP will be forgotten in five years, and Griff believes in the power of Cito and the Beest to maybe get the Jays into meaningful September games. Jesus.

Q22: Nate Cloet Asks An Almost-Reasonable Question, Gets A Reasonable Answer

Doing nothing isn't a good idea. Moving on. . .

Q23: Michael P-something Wonders About Ben Sheets

Turns out Ricciardi is a dick and that question doesn't require further discussion, according to Griff. Depends on the deal, Mike. Depends on the deal. JP likes the discount bin, and though Sheets will probably still command too much, if he's healthy he's fucking great, and JP might think that's a reasonable gamble.

Q24: Sam Urban Asks About Hill At Second

Griff likes the idea, and I'm certainly curious. I'm pretty sure Hill keeps saying he doesn't want to move, but if it's the best option for the team, might have to be a move they make.

Q25: Scott Cochrane Wants to Move the Beej

Griff thinks this is a good idea, and then throws out Aaron Heilman of the Mets. 5.21 ERA and 1.59 WHIP? What 5.21 ERA and 1.59 WHIP?

Q26: Mark Donaldson Asks About Prospects

Ricky Romero is "a roll of the dice only because of draft position" apparently. A case of beer says he's better than Purcey.

Q27: TC is Afraid Of Losing Johnny Mac

Griffin, instead of answering Parkes's excellent question about how he can possibly shit on Ricciardi for wanting to get better players at the expense of lesser "plans", shits on Ricciardi for have a commitment "like a pulled hamstring, day-to-day." UGH!

Q28: John B is Sick Of Mediocrity

Rogers' front office doesn't have any baseball men who'd know who to hire to replace their baseball man, so they're letting JP run their team into the ground. Because it would have been impossibly difficult for Rogers to hire someone to aid in the search, I guess.

And mercifully, it's over. . .