In Non Death And Layoff News
While current working conditions in the Toronto Blue Jays front office continue to have all the convivial appeal of an all expense paid vacation to Mumbai, there is some less gloomy Jays news out there in the blogosphere this morning.
Turning Japanese
Kevin Mench will be bringing his melon-sized melon to Hanshin next season, playing for the Tigers of Japan's Nippon Professional Baseball league.
It is expected that the arrogant Mench will hilariously clash with Japanese culture and soon alienate his new teammates. He is likely to believe that the rules and management style of his new skipper, Uchiyama, are completely ludicrous. He will no doubt continue to do things his way, which will ultimately lead to poor performances.
At the same time, Mench will develop a relationship with the beautiful Hiroko, whom he later finds out is Uchiyama's daughter. What a pickle!
In a rare show of humility, Mench will eventually apologize to the team, who in turn, rally around him and teach him the value of sportsmanship and respect for hard work. Uchiyama will begin to work with Mench to improve his play. Reinvigorated, Kevin Mench's enthusiasm for team play is contagious and the mediocre Dragons become contenders for the Central League pennant.
Gregg Zaun's Rumours Provided By Gregg Zaun
Speaking of Tigers, the ones from Detroit are apparently interested in retaining the services of former Jays catcher Gregg Zaun to fill the not-quite-gaping hole left by Pudge Rodriguez, who was moved at the end of last season in one of the most worthlessly even trades in the history of baseball.
There is some concern over whether or not Zaun's arm is strong enough to even pick up a pen to sign a potential contract. Get it? He's got a weak arm and can't throw runners out and therefore I'm exaggerating the pussification of his throwing arm to such a degree that I'm actually implying he can't even do menial tasks with it. Ha, I kill me.
Nobody likes my jokes, though. Take Gregg Zaun. No! Seriously, take him.
Economic Wows
In all the talk over the Jays financial woes, we haven't really touched on the economic hardships that every other team is facing. A quick look at some of the players not offered arbitration shows that the Jays will not be the only team depending on low-risk moves to improve their team this off-season.
Bobby Abreu, Pat Burrell and Adam Dunn lead the list of players who surprisingly didn't receive an arbitration offer. Our friends at River Avenue Blues has more on the subject, while Buster Olney suggests that players like Abreu could possibly end up signing contracts far below what would've been expected mere months ago.
I'm slow to come around on the conspiracy theories out there suggesting a measure of collusion in the lack of free agent movement so far this winter, but as it becomes clearer that any team willing to spend could make a killing on the market, I'm beginning to grow a bit critical.
As usual, many thanks to MLB Trade Rumours.
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20 comments:
I'll assume Mench is also going to grow a wicked soup-strainer.
Beau beat me to it....what a handsome devil Mench would be sporting the Magnum look.
Fuck off Parkes.
Why does everyone always beat up on Parkes. I find him delightful.
Delightfully gay.
the Yankees, of all teams, can't be hurting for money. So really the only possible explanation (other than collusion) for their decision not to offer Abreu arbitration is that they think they can get him (or a comparable player) at a substantially lower cost than he would command in arb and maybe sign someone up for multiple years, which will look like a steal when the market recovers.
Oh no, the Yankees won't be hurting, considering their relationship with Wall Street is going so very well.
This post demonstrates two things:
1. Your awareness of wikipedia; and
2. Your ability to copy and paste from wikipedia.
Your post demonstrates one thing:
1. Nobody cares what you think.
Wow... Paul Beeston said nothing to quell my fears... actually, I'm pretty sure he said they won't compete in '09
Fuck off Parkes and fuck off anon 1106 - dumb fucks!
Perhaps Mench should grow a mustache.
Raptors fired Smitch.
Well, fuck. Jay Triano doesn't feel like an NBA coach to me.
Neither did Smitch.
you guys dont know shit about baseball or basketball
Unless you're Dan Shulman, go fuck yourself.
Im broadcaster Jamie Campbell, my best friend is catcher Gregg Zaun - go fuck yourself fat man.
Coaching doesn't mean nearly as much as sports fans like to think in free flowing sports like baseball, basketball, hockey, soccer, etc. It's natural for fans to blame the coach first so they go first.
Coaching matters a ton in football. They choose the play on every down and micromanage the hell out of their teams. This is one reason I don't like football. It's more likely in football than any other sport that a superior SYSTEM can beat superior TALENT.
In free-flowing sports, it's almost entirely up to the talent alone. The coaching consists of a pre-determined overall philosophy that a team plays by. Of course, in-game decisions and substitutions are important but most likely they are determined by things like minutes/innings and common sense, especially in baseball and soccer.
This is all just a long way of saying that it wasn't Gibby's fault in June and it isn't Mitchell's fault now. I think the fault lies with Colangelo for building a flawed team and for re-hiring Mitchell who he should've known was never right for the team's style. Mainly though, it's the holes in the team. They have the shittiest group of wing players in recent history. They also have zero guys besides Bosh who can consistently create their own shot and break down defenses after losing Ford and Delfino from last year. These are big flaws that should've been obvious and you can't blame a coach for something like that. It's also obvious now that there's no 2nd scoring option beside the pick and roll with Bosh and Calderon. Teams have figured out that they can just collapse on Bosh and dare everyone else to make shots. Jose has also seemingly stopped going to the hole which he was great at the last two years.
Bottom line, non-football coaches exist as glorified psychiatrists. Their job is to manage a small group of egos and personalities, motivate and command respect, and not be completely incompetent at basic basketball tactics and strategy. That's it. I can't say that Sam Mitchell was really all that bad at any of those things. He was tremendously respected by his players, down to the last minute. No one "quit on him", that's for sure. What probably got him fired was the extremely high (and unrealistic) expectations for a team that was flawed from the beginning. It happens and it's not always fair.
People still follow basketball these days?
I become deaf, dumb and blind whenever basketball is mentioned. I'll take it in highlights, there's the odd interesting moment. Kinda like a book with pictures.
Sorry, I'm just a bitter ex-Grizzlies fan. If you could post a picture of Bryant Reeves for some reason that might reignite my hoops love.
Anyways, before my brain chokes itself out from reading more basketball comments, I just wanted to say that a weak arm Zaun joke plus a Mr Baseball reference in the same post is brilliant. Only could have improved with a Selleck pic. Or putting a Magnum stache on a Mench photo.
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