Game Threat: Jays (8-3) vs. A's (4-5): It's a Great Day for Baseball

Dear Toronto,

I have resorted to the hack device of an open letter because, in addition to being creatively bankrupt, I'd really like to make it clear that I'm not just talking to the regulars around here, who, even if they're idiots, already support the Jays with a passion-- unlike most of this pretentious Milwaukee of a city we've got going on over here.

Oh, I kid. Toronto is fucking nails-- I was just trying to get your attention there by kowtowing to the worthless rest of the country. (Oh, I kid, worthless rest of the country). And now that I'm pretending I have your attention, I've really got to ask... would it kill you to come out and watch a fucking baseball game?

Yes, it's probably too early to really start believing in this team, but what the fuck do you have to lose? The Leafs and the Raptors, unwatchable for months, have mercifully ended their nightly raping of hockey and basketball fundamentals. So you can either hole up in front of your TV, watching hockey teams from places where they don't stand for mediocrity battle, here on the third playoff day of a two-month marathon, or you could send a message to the cheap fucks who run the baseball team you'll be watching from the time the Cup is raised until Leafs training camp begins that, hey! We like this! We might show up more when you don't fucking suck so hard for fifteen years!

It might make Rogers think about adding payroll. A great atmosphere might give the team a lift, if such things were possible. Jays fever might get contagious. And fuck, it's baseball: win or lose, there are all sorts of things about a live game on a beautiful night (even with the roof closed) that will be awesome.

Plus, what's not to like about this team? They're playing great so far-- and what's extra great is that every game they win means that it's going to take that much longer to pull them back down to reality.

Already they've built a whole bunch more drama into the season than most people thought possible a couple weeks ago. It was a legitimate concern that the team might fall flat on their faces from the outset, lose a bunch of games early on, and immediately become completely and totally irrelevant. You may not believe they'll keep it up, but so what? Look where they are!

SAVOUR IT.

PLAYOFFS!

Thanks,
Stoeten

Note: I'm out of here, and the lineups aren't anywhere to be found. I'm sure you'll live without them. I can tell you that, in a match-up of two lefties, David Purcey takes on Josh Outman. The Jays haven't had much success with unknown shitballing Oakland left-handers in recent years, so let's hope that they'll fuck him up and we can add that to the list of all the other shitty memories being quickly erased here at the start of the season. Happy commenting. Drinkin' time ...