Outrage! Fucking Outrage!

I know it's been a while since I rapped at y'all. And I can tell you all about the awesomeness of moving into a new place, losing your job and trying to find someone to sublet the new place because you can no longer afford it, all while having no internet access, another time.

What's important right now is that I am outraged.

I am outraged at the fat cunts at Rogers Baseball Operations who managed to make the disgrace that is their customer relations that much more distasteful to me, a mother-fucking loyal consumer of their product on the last day of their home schedule, a day notoriously set aside by professional sports clubs across the world as their fan appreciation day.

But why, oh why, would I ever expect Rogers to show an iota of gratitude to the poor schmucks that they've robbed all season long, not only stealing dollars out of the pockets of hopeless supporters, but also thieving the very joy that baseball is supposed to bring.

Thank you, fuckheads.

How did this particular travesty, during the last home game of the season take place? Well, buckle down and have a listen to my story:

Two of my best friends, let's call them Macho Man and Elizabeth, purchased six tickets to Sunday afternoon's game. They were kind enough to invite myself, and three others to attend the game and cheer on the Jays for the last time all season.

We dressed the part of fans, clothing ourselves in ridiculous Jays paraphernalia and cheering on the lineup with more gusto than they themselves showed through a large portion of the season.

During the third inning, my seat, the ticket that I was holding, was written out on the Jumbotron screen as the winner of a promotion in which the lucky ticket holder would receive a game worn jersey off the back of a player in the lineup. They called it The Shirt Off Our Backs promotion, connotating that the Blue Jays would give anything for their fans.

Fuck that shit in the fucking ass!

As a thank you for buying the tickets, I offered the "winning" paper over to Elizabeth, with the condition that she pick John McDonald's sweat-drenched uniform because it would very likely be the last time he suits up for the Blue Jays and plays in Toronto. Her and Macho Man were thrilled at the prospect of winning something at the game, and looked forward to going on the field afterwards to collect their prize and meet the PMoD.

All through our congratulatory commotion, a crazy woman sitting nearby was going on and on about how they had made a mistake and that she was the real winner. We rolled our eyes and looked at each other with that knowing glance that said, "Aw, listen to this old, crazy cuntette going on about her insane delusions. Isn't that almost sweet and not fucking pathetic."

Well, it turns out that she was indeed correct and that we were the ones full of delusions. We deluded ourselves into thinking that tickets were randomly drawn by the fucking ridiculous clowns at Rogers Baseball Operations, and not already pre-selected by staff members.

You see, before the game had even begun the woman was chosen as a winner. I don't know if she was a Rogers employee or what the basis of her selection was, but I do know that being told your ticket was the winner on the fucking Jumbotron in front of 30,000 people who have mostly been led to believe that this was the result of a random draw is meaningless.

As fucking meaningless as most of the games played at Rogers Centre this season.

Fuck this shit.

Immediately following the game, the true winners were already marching out onto the Rogers Centre field and selecting the jerseys that they wanted, as Mach Man and Elizabeth sat around in confusion.

A quick trip to guest services, where a kind, but powerless, employee seemed as shocked as we were that the draw wasn't random. She took down our complaint of bullshit shenanigans, perhaps questioning our sanity to herself, and filed it away where it will no doubt sit unanswered until the paper itself decomposes.

What is so fucking aggravating about this entire scenario is that we were without a doubt slighted and there is no useful course of action that we can take for this wrong to be righted. I realize that it's not a travesty of justice, and my family hasn't been falsely imprisoned, but it's just one more example of Rogers Baseball Operations fucking over the fans who still come to cheer on this fucking loser of a team.

Fuck the fuck off!

I don't know how sinister the random draw was, and the winners may in fact have been random selections, but playing tricks, not only by making the six of us believe we had won something we had no chance of actually winning, but also by misleading an entire stadium full of people into believing that they too could possess a lucky ticket is the type of bush league bullshit you would never imagine happening anywhere outside of fiction.

It never ceases to amaze me how fucking terrible of an organization Rogers Baseball Operations has become.

Shame on you! Shame on you for putting a terrible product on the field! And shame on you for misleading fans! And shame on you for taking a steaming shit on the most loyal of your customers!

This organization is disgraceful. Plain and simple. Disgraceful.

Fucking terrible.

I'm ashamed that this club represents the city and fans who turned out on Sunday and acted like one of the best baseball crowds I've ever had the privilege of watching a game with, second only to the attendees of the first World Baseball Classic game between Canada and the U.S.A. earlier this year.

We all deserve much, much better.