Boners Up: DJF 2009 Podcast #26 (Guest: Bruce Arthur)

A little late, as always, but here it is for your listening enjoyment—or, perhaps, for the weird pleasure you get in indulging your OCD—the twenty-sixth DJF podcast of the season.

This week we chat with Bruce Arthur of the National Post, who recently wrote that “if Ricciardi’s time isn’t over, it will be nothing short of a betrayal.”

And speaking of betrayals, Parkes may have had a thing or two to say about the fine folks at Rogers.

As always, the podcast is available at The Score, or through iTunes.

Mintmusical Interludes: Sleater-Kinney Entertain, Devo Satisfaction, Sloan Snowsuit Sound, Portishead We Carry On, The Nation of Ulysses The Kingdom of Heaven Must Be Taken By Storm, Modern Lovers Roadrunner

Game Threat: Jays (72-84) @ Red Sox (91-64)

Hey, so I've actually got an excuse for posting a shitty game threat here tonight-- I'm working on getting the podcast up. Should be up shortly. Meanwhile, enjoy another meaningless game from Rogers Baseball Operations as the Jays visit Fenway, home of the most beautiful girls in Massachusetts, and take on the Red Sox.

Rogers Baseball Operations

J. Bautista rf
A. Hill 2b
A. Lind dh
V. Wells cf
E. Encarnacion 3b
L. Overbay 1b
R. Barajas c
T. Snider lf
J. McDonald ss

Scott Richmond (7-10, 5.32)

Boston Red Sox

J. Ellsbury cf
D. Pedroia 2b
V. Martinez c
K. Youkilis 3b
D. Ortiz dh
J. Bay lf
J.D. Drew rf
C. Kotchman 1b
A. Gonzalez ss

Michael Bowden (0-0, 7.84)

Outrage! Fucking Outrage!

I know it's been a while since I rapped at y'all. And I can tell you all about the awesomeness of moving into a new place, losing your job and trying to find someone to sublet the new place because you can no longer afford it, all while having no internet access, another time.

What's important right now is that I am outraged.

I am outraged at the fat cunts at Rogers Baseball Operations who managed to make the disgrace that is their customer relations that much more distasteful to me, a mother-fucking loyal consumer of their product on the last day of their home schedule, a day notoriously set aside by professional sports clubs across the world as their fan appreciation day.

But why, oh why, would I ever expect Rogers to show an iota of gratitude to the poor schmucks that they've robbed all season long, not only stealing dollars out of the pockets of hopeless supporters, but also thieving the very joy that baseball is supposed to bring.

Thank you, fuckheads.

How did this particular travesty, during the last home game of the season take place? Well, buckle down and have a listen to my story:

Two of my best friends, let's call them Macho Man and Elizabeth, purchased six tickets to Sunday afternoon's game. They were kind enough to invite myself, and three others to attend the game and cheer on the Jays for the last time all season.

We dressed the part of fans, clothing ourselves in ridiculous Jays paraphernalia and cheering on the lineup with more gusto than they themselves showed through a large portion of the season.

During the third inning, my seat, the ticket that I was holding, was written out on the Jumbotron screen as the winner of a promotion in which the lucky ticket holder would receive a game worn jersey off the back of a player in the lineup. They called it The Shirt Off Our Backs promotion, connotating that the Blue Jays would give anything for their fans.

Fuck that shit in the fucking ass!

As a thank you for buying the tickets, I offered the "winning" paper over to Elizabeth, with the condition that she pick John McDonald's sweat-drenched uniform because it would very likely be the last time he suits up for the Blue Jays and plays in Toronto. Her and Macho Man were thrilled at the prospect of winning something at the game, and looked forward to going on the field afterwards to collect their prize and meet the PMoD.

All through our congratulatory commotion, a crazy woman sitting nearby was going on and on about how they had made a mistake and that she was the real winner. We rolled our eyes and looked at each other with that knowing glance that said, "Aw, listen to this old, crazy cuntette going on about her insane delusions. Isn't that almost sweet and not fucking pathetic."

Well, it turns out that she was indeed correct and that we were the ones full of delusions. We deluded ourselves into thinking that tickets were randomly drawn by the fucking ridiculous clowns at Rogers Baseball Operations, and not already pre-selected by staff members.

You see, before the game had even begun the woman was chosen as a winner. I don't know if she was a Rogers employee or what the basis of her selection was, but I do know that being told your ticket was the winner on the fucking Jumbotron in front of 30,000 people who have mostly been led to believe that this was the result of a random draw is meaningless.

As fucking meaningless as most of the games played at Rogers Centre this season.

Fuck this shit.

Immediately following the game, the true winners were already marching out onto the Rogers Centre field and selecting the jerseys that they wanted, as Mach Man and Elizabeth sat around in confusion.

A quick trip to guest services, where a kind, but powerless, employee seemed as shocked as we were that the draw wasn't random. She took down our complaint of bullshit shenanigans, perhaps questioning our sanity to herself, and filed it away where it will no doubt sit unanswered until the paper itself decomposes.

What is so fucking aggravating about this entire scenario is that we were without a doubt slighted and there is no useful course of action that we can take for this wrong to be righted. I realize that it's not a travesty of justice, and my family hasn't been falsely imprisoned, but it's just one more example of Rogers Baseball Operations fucking over the fans who still come to cheer on this fucking loser of a team.

Fuck the fuck off!

I don't know how sinister the random draw was, and the winners may in fact have been random selections, but playing tricks, not only by making the six of us believe we had won something we had no chance of actually winning, but also by misleading an entire stadium full of people into believing that they too could possess a lucky ticket is the type of bush league bullshit you would never imagine happening anywhere outside of fiction.

It never ceases to amaze me how fucking terrible of an organization Rogers Baseball Operations has become.

Shame on you! Shame on you for putting a terrible product on the field! And shame on you for misleading fans! And shame on you for taking a steaming shit on the most loyal of your customers!

This organization is disgraceful. Plain and simple. Disgraceful.

Fucking terrible.

I'm ashamed that this club represents the city and fans who turned out on Sunday and acted like one of the best baseball crowds I've ever had the privilege of watching a game with, second only to the attendees of the first World Baseball Classic game between Canada and the U.S.A. earlier this year.

We all deserve much, much better.

Newsworthy-ish Thing: Gillick Bullshit Rumour Edition

Holy shit, I just stared blankly at the screen with only the words "Holy shit" typed on in for about 45 seconds before I realized that this damn post wasn't going to write itself.

It's 3:56 AM and I could think of a whole bunch of other things I'd rather be doing right now-- except, I guess that's not any different from any other time I've written about the Jays over the last four months. ZANG!

TANGENT: Oh my fucking God, I'm sorry for this, especially because it's about fucking hockey, but I have the radio on right now, and Doug MacLean is talking, and... why the fuck am I supposed to give a shit what the retard who built the fucking Columbus Blue Jacket dynasty thinks? I mean, Millbury as an "expert" on HNIC is technically a bigger fucking joke, but at least he's only on once a week, and-- more importantly-- he's not on right fucking now. MacLean is the. worst. Sorry, but his misplaced smugness is just so beyond un-fucking-acceptable-- YOU "BUILT" THE FUCKING BLUE JACKETS YOU FUCKING CLOWN! SHUT UP! Keep milking the fucking fluke Cup Finals Panthers run from thirteen years ago!

Anyway, sorry. So here's a thing: Bob Nightengale (@BNightengale) of USA Today did a little Twittering this evening:

The hottest rumor among baseball scouts is that Pat Gillick will be returning to Toronto to become president of the club, but not GM.

Boner!

Wait... wait... double boner!

Yeah, that's right, I said boner-- because even though I'm on record bitching about my fear of this organization allowing itself to be taken over by dinosaurs (and even though I actually think this rumour is bullshit-- or, at least, I will until I see the damn press conference announcing his hiring), I have an incredible amount of faith in Pat Gillick.

And why shouldn't I? Guy has got results as a team builder from a number of different situations-- and that means a shit tonne.

It's one thing to be Theo Epstein and to be looked at as some boy genius, conveniently forgetting that, while he does a good job, his situation has also got some ridiculous fucking advantages. It's another to go into different markets, under different ownerships, with different fan bases and different predicaments, and still somehow manage to fucking deliver the goods every goddamn time.

Basically... Gillick could murder Bill James, and shit on his grave while declaring his love for David Eckstein's scrappiness, and I'd still pretty much think he was fucking mint.

Am I wrong? Am I wrong???

Judgment Day

Just got back to my desk at work after the Jays game for a quick post before I head off into the night, and before I get to bitching about how much I cannot fucking stand the baseball culture in this city, the Rogers Centre, and just about everything except Roy Halladay right at the moment… how about Roy fucking Halladay?

Holy shit. If that really was it—and in the emotion of the moment, which, I should add, I pretty much had to conjure myself, along with a few (but not enough) beers, thanks to the sterile, apathetic atmosphere at the Rogers Centre (even with Mike Toth’s encouragement actually having stirred over 20,000 fans into coming down to the park this evening), I'm thinking that I really hope it wasn't, even if I know that's not the best thing for the team—it was a beautiful fucking thing.

It was… Doc.

There’s not much else I can say about that.

What I can say, though, is that tonight’s game reminded me way too much of everything I fucking hate about watching baseball in this city. Even the man of the hour, Halladay, threw Toronto a backhanded compliment in his post game interview, saying that “there’s nothing better, when things are going right, to be part of this city and these fans.” (Italics mine).

Or… wait. Was Halladay the man of the hour, or was it motherfucking pizza? I couldn’t tell who got the bigger cheers, you miserable fucks! Seriously! Just horseshit. A fucking horseshit crowd is what that was. Every asshole in the place knew to get off their hands when Halladay was one strike away from getting them fucking pizza, but when he leaves the mound in the eighth? When he takes the mound in the ninth? Every moment of the ninth up to the last batter—oh, except for when the fucking scoreboard spoon-fed them gigantic flashing fucking clap right now, ignorant motherfuckers signs? Fucking tepid.

And… it’s hard for me to still get pissed off about the wave at this point, but… I can. And I’ll say it a-goddamn-gain: anybody who wants to stand up in the middle of a decent game and start the wave really needs to be shot. And what the fuck was with the coordination, eh hate-fuckable girl with the black shit on her face? Like… I realize that the the bottom of the sixth of a 0-0 game with one out and a man on isn’t the most inappropriate time to start a wave, but still, somebody out there missed Aaron Hill’s home run because a bunch of bored assholes in front of him were more excited about standing up with their arms in the air than the actual goings on on the field. Fuck off.

I mean, why the fuck are these morons even paying to be at the ballpark if they have to be prodded to cheer at the most basic of fucking times?

Ugh.

And hey!… patronizing Aramark piece of shit who acted like I should be thrilled that I’d just saved ten dollars-- fucking literally he said to me, "I just saved you ten dollars!"-- after the goddamn beer stands were shut down while the seventh inning was still going on! You can go fuck yourself too!

Anyway… I don’t know… that’s all I’ve got. A lot of the same old shit, and a lot that takes focus away from how incredibly awesome Halladay is, and how incredible it’s been to watch him go to work every fifth day for all these years, and... I know I shouldn't do that, but that shit just drives me nuts sometimes.

PS. And apparently I wasn’t drunk when I saw a fireball in the sky at one point, Parkes. So you can go fuck yourself too…

I Have Absolutely No Sympathy For Mike Toth

A furious fucking fake bravo (complete with every hack’s favourite device, alliteration) to Mike Toth for his laughably flat attempt this morning to lay a hollow guilt trip on Jays fans for not coming out to the Rogers Centre for this final homestand. “At the risk of sounding like an insensitive clod,” he says with surprising self-awareness, “I have absolutely no sympathy for Toronto Blue Jays fans.”

“There's no excuse for the embarrassingly low crowd counts at Rogers Centre in September,” he says in the article, adding, “There are plenty of good reasons to head to the ballpark one more time before the snow flies.”

Really, Mike? Well then you should have no problem coming up with some reasons why that’s so, without completely mangling the whole fucking concept of your article by focusing three fifths of it on “reasons” that are actually just “jokes” sharted out of a brain addled by too many years sniffing fumes from Junior B players’ hockey bags.

Oh, hang on. Says here you will have a problem with that. . .

Reason One: Halladay’s Last Stand

Since ol’ Tother’s specified that there are reasons to come down one more time, I’ll give him that this reason is not entirely a piece of shit. Of course, if I were shitting down the throats of Jays fans for their incredibly valid total disinterest in the rest of this season, I might have aimed to find some reasons to come down to the ballpark that weren’t specific to one single game out of the whole damn season, but I guess that’s just me.

Reason Two: Ichiro

Look, I think Ichiro is a terrifically fun player to watch—of course, Toth could have mentioned that this is possibly the last chance fans will ever get to watch Ken Griffey Jr., who you might recall was pretty much the biggest, most beloved star in the game for, I dunno, a decade there a while back… but shit, why would people want to see that?—but the thing is, I don’t quite see how it makes anything close to resembling sense to piss on Jays fans for not wanting to come out to see another team’s great players take advantage of our own apathetic, mailing-in-the-season-since-four- months-ago fucks. Maybe in a different year, when people weren’t so pissed off at this directionless mess of a clusterfuck of an organization, they’d be able to appreciate that sort of thing. Not so much now.

Reason Three: Rambling incoherence about Vernon Wells

Um… yeah, there’s not really a reason here. And by “not really” I mean literally not. This is more like an observation, and partly a suggestion. A reason is more like a basis or cause for some kind of belief, action, fact, event, etc. This is… well, I’d better quote what ol’ Tother rambled about, just so we’re clear:

3. There was a time when Blue Jays fans believed that Vernon Wells was on his way to becoming a living legend. Then, he put his name on a certain seven-year, $126 -million dollar contract, and the rest (along with his bat) was history.

But just when you thought you'd have one final opportunity this season to bash V-Dub for his big bucks and small production, he goes on a sudden tear and has been the hottest hitter in the majors since September 6th.

So, with that in mind, be prepared to give Vernon his due when you heckle him this weekend.

"You suck, Wells! Except, of course, when the games are meaningless and we're 30 games out of first place!"

You see what I mean? What the fuck? Was Tother smelling a little burnt toast when he came up with this gem? Vernon Wells once being good, signing a big contract, sucking, then having a good month is a reason to go pay money to sit in an uncomfortable plastic seat and watch a shitty baseball team?

Reason Four: Thoroughly topical Where’s Waldo crack about Paul Beeston

At least Tother manages to sort of frame this one as a “reason”—even though it’s mostly just a pointless excuse to reference a book from 1988.

While you wonder where Wells has been all season, you can also play a rousing rendition of "Where's Waldo?" during the Jays-Mariners series.

For the purposes of this exercise, we'll call it "Where's the Beest?" as people keep their eyes peeled for Jays interim CEO Paul Beeston.

There is a catch, however.

Beeston, you see, is said to be on vacation.

Geesh!

Even the team’s CEO doesn't want to stick around and watch these guys play.

So... fans ought come out to the Rogers Centre to play a game that they already know is fucking unwinnable? Who are they, the Toronto Blue Jays? Heyo!

In the name of rational thought, Tother, please fucking stop!!!!!!

Reason Five: “Finally, the best reason of all to head to Rogers Centre this weekend,” he writes. “With the Jays at home for the final time this year, Toronto fans can at least be thankful that they don't have to watch the Argos.”

Oh no he motherfucking didn’t! Not the Argos!! Please, Tother, don’t shit on the fucking ARGOS!!!

Because that would just make too much goddamn sense… in an article… about why Jays fans should come out for the last homestand… written by a retard…

Honest to god, why even fucking bother? How does one even do it? How does one make a those two statements at the top—“I have absolutely no sympathy for Jays fans” and “there are plenty of good reasons to head to the ballpark one more time”—then shit out the 500 words that followed and still not somehow clue in that, hey, I’m completely full of shit!

The mind boggles.

Game Threat... Uh... Yeah...

Sorry...wasn't paying attention. Here's your pointless Jays-Mariners game threat.

Layin’ Down The Law – Philosophical Shift?

Ugh. I don’t know what to make of this nugget from Keith Law’s ESPN chat this afternoon:

Ed (Toronto)

Keith, what was the "fairly trivial" amount of money that came between the Jays and Eliopoulos? Is Ricciardi to blame for this draft mess, or Lalonde? Or someone else?

Keith Law

It sounds like around $300-$400K extra would have gotten both Eliopoulos and Paxton done, maybe a touch more, but not much. I can't tell you whom to blame, because the stories I've heard vary, although it does sound like there was a late philosophical shift back to adhering to slot.

A late philosophical shift back to adhering to slot?!??!? What the cock-gobbling fuck is that?

Jesus, if only there was some person who oversaw the day-to-day operations of this shit show of a franchise and could actually answer some of these questions for us frustrated dwindling masses.

What a concept, huh? A person whose job it would be to actually make baseball decisions, and then justify them, via the press, to the fans who follow the team. Shit. I realize that I’m dreaming in Technicolor—that such positions couldn’t possibly exist out here in the real world—but it sure is nice to wonder about, isn’t it? . . .

Game Threat: Jays vs. Orioles

Lazy threat today because I just finished answering Griffin's mail bag. So... yeah... this is it.

Toronto Blue Jays

J. Bautista rf
A. Hill 2b
A. Lind dh
V. Wells cf
E. Encarnacion 3b
L. Overbay 1b
R. Barajas c
T. Snider lf
J. McDonald ss

Scott Richmond (6-10, 5.31)

Baltimore Orioles

F. Pie cf
C. Izturis ss
M. Wieters dh
N. Markakis rf
L. Scott lf
J. Turner 3b
M. Aubrey 1b
C. Moeller c
R. Andino 2b

Jeremy Guthrie (10-15, 5.05)

Stoeten Answers Griffin’s Mail Bag – 09/23/09

Well, since we’ve got the interview over with—and since there’s not much else I care to discuss at the moment—I guess I can go back to answering Griffin’s mail bag, eh? I don’t know… you got anything better?

Well, OK, I could respond to this Ken Fidlin piece in the Toronto Sun where Cito Gaston explains what he thinks the team needs next season—how cute!—but it would be quick and predictably pissy, so… pass.

Q: Read your piece on Johnny Mac - wonderful read! I hope Cito read it too and does give him the start in that last home game; the fans deserve that pleasure as much as McDonald himself. I have two related questions for you. Where do you see McDonald landing next year? Is there a team out there that appears to fit for him more than another? Secondly, while it seems obvious (and positive!) that the Jays will try to resign Marco Scutaro, who do see them turning to in the event that he signs elsewhere? The only name that comes to mind immediately is Orlando Cabrera, someone I know they expressed interest in last year. Thanks, as always!

Jon Empringham, Woodstock, Ont.

Well, obviously Johnny Mac will be starting for the foreseeable future, what with Marco’s lower body injury. Scutaro seems to think he can make it back to play this season, but… why? I’m sure he’ll be ready for the Venezuelan Winter Ball season, though, for all you LVBP poolies.

What happens in the off-season could go a number of ways. There is no ready replacement for Scutaro in the Jays system—thank you very much, JP Ricciardi—so they’ll have to look elsewhere for him if he doesn’t re-sign. O-Cab is clinging to Type A free agent status according to Eddie Bajek’s latest crack at the Elias Rankings over on MLBTR, and I imagine that, coupled with his .683 OPS, would be enough to scare teams off. I’ve said a number of times—even though I’m not sure I believe it myself—that I think teams are going to be scared off by the red flags on Scutaro—his age, asking price, the fact that he’s Type A and will require surrendering a high draft pick to the Jays, and the fact that he’s never had a season nearly as good as this one in his career—which may have him wind up back in the Jays’ lap at a reasonable price. The shortstop market is kind of shit though, which is why I’m not sure that will happen, but if it does, I hope they re-sign him.

There’s word of JJ Hardy possibly being made available for trade, and the Jays have some young starting pitching that should have no trouble dealing with the shitbag lineups in the NL, which the Brewers would probably covet, so maybe there’s something there, but honestly, until we know whether the Jays will have the money to aim high, or whether they’ll have to either get creative or take their usual trip to the scrap heap, it’s hard to say what’s going to happen.

As for Johnny Mac… speaking of shitbag lineups in the NL, he certainly seems like he might be a better fit in the AAAA League, where the lineups won’t make his bat look quite so glaringly awful, and where there are managers who might actually make an intelligent defensive substitution once in a while. I have no idea, specifically, who might want him, but with his defensive ability, he’s always going to have a job somewhere. (Well, not always, but you know what I mean…)

Q: Hi Richard Stoeten:

In your last mailbag, Sept 16, you said the Jays should field their best defensive team. Given the errors, missed cutoff men and missed defensive opportunities generally I could not agree with you more. In listing the lineup that would provide that defence you placed Lind at DH and Snider in left field. Shouldn't that be reversed? Snider is consistently missing cutoffs and sometimes seems shaky out there. (A ball went off his glove on what should have been a catch this past week.) Isn't Lind currently a better defensive option? This would also allow Snider to focus on how to deal with big league pitching. Keep up the great work!

Tim Rorke, Timmins, Ont.

Um… holy fuck no. Snider is not going to win any Gold Gloves, but I’ll take a couple missed cutoff men and the odd clanger off the glove over watching Adam Lind’s Adventures In Finding A Path To The Ball any day of the week and several more times on Sunday. Snider is at least passable and has the much better arm. Lind won’t absolutely kill you… kind of… but good fucking lord, ugh. No, it should definitely be Snider there.

As for my supposed claim that the Jays should field their best defensive team the rest of the year, one of us must have been high, because that’s fucking insanity. It’s vastly more important to take a look at the bats of guys like Randy Ruiz and Kyle Phillips than it is to worry about who is or isn’t a pylon in the field right now.

Q: Hi Richard Stoeten,

I have followed the Jays now pretty closely for several years and read your mailbag with much intrigue. To me the Jays are really not that far off being a contender. We have two great power hitters in Hill and Lind. We have an under-performing star who I believe will no doubt bounce back in Wells. The Jays have a core group of good players. Except for the important win-loss column we are not terribly behind in overall stats with our big spending friends south of the border.

This is a big if, but IF we are able to spend a little more (Paul Beeston suggested we could see a roster worth $120 million given the right business plan) could we not put together a winning team next year? If you had the additional 55-odd million available to spend for next year, what would you do to get us over this bump? Am I in lala land here in thinking this is even possible?

Bryan Freeman, Oakville

Bryan, first off, I certainly am not ready call Aaron Hill a “great power hitter” just yet. He’s had a great season, it’s true, and he’s a very good hitter, but I’d be surprised if he’s able to duplicate these kind of power numbers. And Wells could take to shooting heroin in the dugout next season and still probably not be as bad as he has been this year, but I wouldn’t count on much of a bounce back from him.

Still, you’re not crazy to think it’s possible the Jays could patch a contender together in the off-season. I just wouldn’t hold my breath. Personally, I think they’re going to throw the fans a bone by handing out a few short-term, low-risk high-reward contracts to veterans this winter and hope for the best on the field, while trying to get their fucking shit together internally for a run a couple years down the line. I think they’re going to be able to put together a team capable of hanging with the Red Sox and Yankees (and Rays) through the balance of the summer, but probably in the same way they’ve been doing for years, unless they manage a pickup or two that really outperforms his contract—like Bobby Abreu this year, or Frank Thomas when he signed with the A’s the year before some other team flushed a bunch of money down the toilet on him.

Of course, if they manage a coup—or a coup d’etat as Sportsnet’s Ryan Johnson might say (hahaha)—like a Jason Bay signing, then I suppose they’d really have something to legitimately believe in, but again… I wouldn’t hold my breath.

Q: Hi Richard Stoeten,

Question I've been wondering for quite some time now. In pucks, players get paid less in the minors and more in the majors (two way contracts and all that); on the same note, how much do minor league players get paid when they get called up? Pro-rated version of the league minimum? And the same thing with guys who are signed and sent down; do they get their regular major league stipend or the minor league stuff? I tried figuring it out but I couldn’t find it anywhere. Let me know!

Nicholas Hung, London

Pass. Check Griff’s mail bag for the answer to the one.

Q: Hi there.

Why isn’t Cito Gaston playing Randy Ruiz on a more constant basis? The season has been over for months now and this is a great time to see what he’s got. From what I've seen, this guy seems to hit a bomb every three or four games. Why isn’t he in the lineup everyday? Ruiz could be in the starting nine next year with the type of power he’s showing.

Dave Roberts, Brantford

Well, Dave, it beats the living fuck out of me. But… let’s not go nuts. Ruiz deserves a chance, absolutely. I think it’s asinine to not worry about pissing away a chance to get more data on what he can do at the major league level, instead figuring that it’s fine to take wait until next spring to take a look. It’s just, I suspect the Jays are hoping to have a more proven commodity in the DH spot next year, with Ruiz as a backup plan, regardless of what he does this month. If they go ahead and give Ruiz a full-time gig next year they might as well wave their white flag on April 1, because it will mean they spent fuck all over the winter, and are in the beginning stages of a full-on rebuild. So… ugh.

But I do have mixed feelings about this. I mean, what the fuck are these meaningless games for if not for taking a look at a guy like Ruiz who has absolutely nothing left to prove at any other level? It’s ridiculous that they’re not playing him, because you’d think there’d probably be some role for him here next year—limited as it may be—if you think he can handle MLB pitching. So, why not take a look? But that doesn’t mean I think that, even if they were playing him every day and he was absolutely killing it, they should hand him the DH job next year based on that.

Q: Hi Richard,

Let's say in a wildly altruistic move, Vernon Wells decides to option out of his contract so he can play for a team in the playoff hunt, or close to home or just wants to get rid of the criticism. Would the player's union allow him to do that? At the least, wouldn't they advise him not to opt out? I know their concern is for their players to make top dollar.

Kevin Layman, St. John's

I don’t know the ins-and-outs all that well, but I’d wager that while the PA would have a bit of a fucking hissy fit about it, I don’t think they could actually force him to do anything. Not that there’s a chance in hell he’ll do it anyway. And frankly, I disdain the whole idea some fans have that they might be able to make Vernon so intensely fucking miserable that he might choose to stop being a fucking lead weight around the franchise’s neck. It’s absolutely the wrong course of action to take, and I don’t just say that because I loathe the thought of anything that encourages fans who come down to Rogers Centre to act like bigger fucking assholes.

I mean, I guess I appreciate the attempt at logic which says that if VW could be made unhappy enough to actually fucking flush $60-million—but isn’t there a little more logic in taking a look at his home/road splits this year (.307/.340/.454/.794 on the road, and .214/.287/.347/.634 at home [Note: HOLY FUCK.]) and thinking… hey… maybe the fucking suffocating criticism raining ubiquitously down from the stands is—I don’t know—making him worse???

I mean, for fuck sakes people, if you had the same player at home that you’ve got on the road… that’s fucking fine. Not $20-million per year fine, but fine—as in not un-be-fucking-lievably shitbaggingly brutal.

Angler Dave Mercer “Casts” The First Pitch At Rogers Centre

Note: I don’t like to double-post stuff both here and at TheScore.com Blog, but this video seems appropriate for both, so fuck it…

I don’t fish—though I have given myself a fishing nickname, “The Ace Of Bass”, just in case I ever take it up—and, at this point in this waste of a season, I don’t go to Blue Jays games, either. Had it happened in, say, June, when I was still going to just about every game, I wouldn’t have had to catch this clip via Total Pro Sports. Obviously, though, from the looks of the crowd, I’m not the only one who missed this one-of-a-kind ceremonial first pitch, which happened a couple nights ago, before the Jays and Orioles pointlessly did battle at the Rogers Centre.

Hahaha. And apparently this video is actually from The Score, which I guess I should have known... but... well... I didn't.

Game Threat and Stuff: Jays (67-83) vs. Orioles (60-90)

There are a few things of note to take a gander at before tonight’s game, because… I got nothing.

First off, fucking eh to Jeff Blair in the Globe for running the risk of being called a racist and saying that “leaving aside the hints that Gaston is not exactly universally loved in the clubhouse [ruh-roh! -- Ed.], the Blue Jays ownership must bring in a new manager to run the field operations.”

Second, I’m just listening to last night’s JaysTalk over on Wilner’s blog, and fuck… this wasn’t what I wanted talk about, and... fuck it, I don’t give a shit if I get accused of just parroting Wilner: can these fucking morons who keep conjuring up the grim spectre of the Montreal Expos please seriously fuck off.

And can these people—especially the ones from outside of Toronto, for whom it’s very easy to say—who insist that fans should be coming out, and that if I were in Toronto, I’d sure be coming out to waste my time and money on this absolute fucking waste of a team, please stop.

I mean, I understand that people are scared of this damn Expos scenario, seeing as it comes up over and over and over, but seriously, if you're making this comparison you need to understand the history of the Expos a little better. Larry Walker was allowed to walk after the nineteen-ninety fucking four season, Pedro got too expensive and was traded to Boston after 1997. Ken Hill, John Wetteland, Moises Alou, Rondell White, Vladimir Guererro, Orlando Cabrera. Did not pretty much all of these guys leave for financial reasons?

And the attendance. Um… over seven seasons from 1998 to 2004 only once did the Expos average more than 12,000 fans per game—including four seasons where their average was less than the worst ever crowd in the history of the Rogers Centre. After 1994 their average attendance never again broke 20,000.

Compare that to the Jays, where before this shit season, they had never averaged less than 20,000 at Rogers Centre, and in fact, attendance has risen each of the last six years, peaking at over 29,000 last year. Even though we know some of that was Paul Godfrey's handiwork, you just can't say what we're experiencing is anything close to what they did.

Honestly, it’s piss down the throat of Expos fans to even try to claim there’s symmetry in the two situations. Those poor fucks took kicks to the balls for fucking years before everything finally went down the toilet. It was a slow and painful death, and as much as contracts like the ones handed out to guys like Wells, Thomas, Ryan, Rios and Burnett have, for the most part, fucking sucked, at least ownership here has been willing to try to play the big money game-- and in the pretty recent past, too.

Plus Montreal's shitty stadium is—where?—in the equivalent of Don Mills? Scarborough? A fuckload of their corporate base steaming down the 401 to Toronto for a couple decades certainly didn't help the situation either, and they made the playoffs how often exactly? Cripes all-fucking-mighty! The Expos were a shit show-- with a good enough farm system and scouting department to half-decently patch all the gaping holes.

Seriously, I know this year has been bad for the Jays, I know that with no plan to get better there’s not a lot of hope for this club—but you know that, whateverthefuck it is, one's coming—and I know that attendance can’t stay this low forever without the team actually being in peril, but in the land of reality we're a long way from that and some of us need to seriously get a fucking grip.

How soon we forget that three of the best baseball crowds this city has seen since the glory days—the Canada-US matchup, Opening Day, and the Halladay-Burnett game—came during the last six months. The fact that it took sixteen years without the playoffs for attendance to finally bottom out like this is actually kind of a testament to the strength of this city as a baseball town—isn’t it?—just like the incredible, knowledgeable, know-when-to-cheer crowd during the WBC is a testament to how, if there’s a good baseball product for them to watch, people will come out. And… for fuck sakes, we know Rogers has the money to make the team better if they want to, and aren't these tiny crowds finally forcing them into a position where they see that they have to make the team better? Isn't that kind of OK?

So seriously… can the fucking pity party come to a fucking end already please?

Toronto Blue Jays

J. Bautista rf
A. Hill 2b
E. Encarnacion 3b
V. Wells cf
R. Barajas c
K. Millar 1b
R. Ruiz dh
T. Snider lf
J. McDonald ss

Brian Tallet (7-9, 5.31)

Baltimore Orioles

B. Roberts 2b
F. Pie cf
M. Wieters c
L. Scott lf
M. Mora 3b
T. Wigginton dh
L. Montanez rf
M. Aubrey 1b
C. Izturis ss

Mark Hendrickson (5-5, 4.47)

Game Threat: Jays vs. Whoever It Is They're Playing

Seriously, I have no idea who the Jays are playing tonight. I guess I should look that up. I think it's Baltimore, then Seattle...

Yep. It's Baltimore.

Fun fact about Baltimore: their fans figured out that the AL East has become unfair fucking baseball wasteland-- even worse than fucking Baltimore-- for anybody but the Yankees and the Red Sox years ago-- and presumably they'd resent us Jays fans for only cluing in now... you know, if anybody could ever find someone willing to admit to being an Orioles fan.

PS. Cal Ripken went to work every day. Big fucking deal.

Toronto Blue Jays

J. Bautista rf
A. Hill 2b
A. Lind dh
V. Wells cf
E. Encarnacion 3b
L. Overbay 1b
T. Snider lf
K. Phillips c
J. McDonald ss

David Purcey's vain attempts to find the plate (0-2, 6.32)

Baltimore Orioles

B. Roberts 2b
C. Izturis ss
M. Wieters c
N. Markakis rf
M. Mora 3b
L. Scott lf
T. Wigginton dh
F. Pie cf
M. Aubrey 1b

Chris Tillman (2-3, 4.50)

Boners Up: DJF Podcast #25 (Guest: Richard Griffin)

No, seriously, I shit you not, Richard Griffin of the Toronto Star was our guest. And goddamn it if he wasn’t a good sport about… you know… us shitting on him all the time. This one has been a long time coming, so apologies for the lack of fireworks, but we have enough of a bitch of a time getting people to come on the podcast without ambushing our guests (also: we’re pussies). I hope the fact that it was mostly civilized doesn’t mean you won’t listen—because it was a pretty damn good baseball discussion, and not entirely lacking in we’ve-called-you-an-idiot-for-three-years awkwardness. (Also: a gong).

As always, the podcast is available at The Score, or through iTunes.

Mintmusical interludes:

The Wedding Present Interstate 5, Television Venus, The Promise Ring Happiness Is All The Rage, Ween Touch My Tooter, Stone Roses Mersey Paradise, Bad Religion Stranger Than Fiction

Breaking: Pujols To Be Blown By NY Media

Holy shit. Hold onto your hats, motherfuckers, because I just heard on the ESPN Sunday Night Baseball radio broadcast that, with a double in tonight's game, Albert Pujols now has three seasons in his career where he's had at least 40 home runs, 40 doubles and 120 RBIs-- and the only other person to have ever accomplished the feat is Lou Gehrig. So fucking brace yourselves for the Don Slaught of poetic articles from New York media fucks falling over themselves to suck off Pujols for matching a meaningless Gehrig accomplishment.

Because that's what happens when someone matches the Iron Horse, right? His accomplishments are so fucking beyond mortal men that media types are supposed to blow loads all over anyone who dares come close to matching the legendary ballplayer.

In fact, you know what? I was all for Will Venable's MVP candidacy until Pujols fucking displayed the pure class and winningness that it takes-- that only the classiest, winniest, clinniest and wassiest possess-- to do something that only Lou Gehrig has done. I mean come on, it's pretty fucking blow-jobbingly special, right? RIGHT???

Anyway, just warning you all, because for some reason I got the idea that matching a Lou Gehrig accomplishment warranted about 40 separate articles being written about your fucking classiness the next morning-- though, full disclosure, I can't quite fucking remember where or when I got the idea that matching a Lou Gehrig record warranted about 40 separate fucking articles being written about your fucking classiness the next morning, but... I'm sure I heard about that somewhere...

So... you know... don't bother with the sports pages tomorrow-- especially the New York ones. I can tell you right now, it's all going to be about Albert Pujols' special moment and what a great Yankee he is and how, if there's any justice in the world, he's going to finally be accepted as the greatest, most blowjob-worthy player in the history of anything. Because that's what happens when it's just you and the Iron fucking Horse sitting on the tip of Hal Bodley's penis.

Right?

Sunday It's Way Too Nice a Day Outside for This

Judging by the number of comments from yesterday's threat, I'm pretty sure that we're all on the same page here regarding the rest of the Jays' season. Last night's 4-0 shutout does nothing to make that any better.

I think I have a newfound respect for sports journalists who have to follow a team like this and at this point they're still churning out the stories, remarkably absent of complete apathy or disgust. Sure, it's their job but still, impressive. So I turn it over to them:

The Star's Morgan Campbell has a story on how the Jays and Scutaro hope he will be here next year.

And Bastian's got a piece on Vernon Wells' late hot streak.

And that's about it. I'm going to go sit in the corner and cry for a bit.

Go Jays.

Toronto Blue Jays

Scutaro - ss
Hill - 2b
Lind - lf
Wells - cf
Encarnacion - 3b
Barajas - c
Millar - 1b
Ruis - dh
Bautista - rf

Halladay - p

Tampa Bay Rays

Bartlett - ss
Crawford - lf
Longoria - 3b
Zobrist - rf
Burrell - dh
Aybar - 1b
Zaun - c
Iwamura - 2b
Upton - cf

Price - p

*** Just realized that even if you wanted to watch today's game, it's on Rogers Preview Channel. Shit, I better shell out the cash for satellite so I can watch this one. Of course, even if I wanted to, by the time you get someone on the phone and they send someone over here to install it, baseball season will be over. Fuck Rogers. ***

Saturday When the Fuck is this Fucking Season Going to be Over?

Hey everyone, I imagine you'll all want to do yourself a favour and enjoy your Saturday evening doing something -- fuck anything -- else other than watch the game. Like an idiot, I got kinda into yesterday's game when I checked the score online to see we had an early lead, only to tune in to the Richmond implosion that continued to grow. I was up till 4 a.m. drinking after that. Folks, it's been a long season.

But if there is a reason to tune in, it's because there might be some added tension to this game. Apparently Cito Gaston wasn't all that impressed with Rays GM Joe Maddon's decision to have Carl "Jay Killer" Crawford steal second in the bottom of the eighth inning while they had an 11-4 lead.

After Crawford slid in safely with his 59th steal of the season, TV cameras cut to Gaston, who sat expressionless in the dugout.

Later, Gaston maintained that he didn't think the Rays were trying to show up his club with the steal, but he didn't maintain it long.

"I just let it go," Gaston said, pausing a moment before elaborating. "(Rays manager Joe Maddon) runs his team the way he wants to. I run mine the way I want to. Just as simple as that."

Cito just let it go ... Last night.

If I'm not mistaken, Jesse Carlsson's three-game suspension expires tonight ...

Bring it!

All in good fun. I abhor violence of any kind. But still, Tuesday was among the more inspiring games we've seen this team play since, well, May.

Go Jays.

Toronto Blue Jays

Scutaro - ss
Hill - 2b
Lind - dh
Encarnacion - 3b
Overbay - 1b
Bautista - cf
Snider - rf
Chavez - c
McDonald - lf

Romero - p

Tampa Bay Rays

Bartlett - ss
Crawford - lf
Longoria - 3b
Zobrist - cf
Burrell - dh
Aybar - 1b
Kapler - rf
Navarro - c
Iwamura - 2b

Garza - p

Game Threat: Jays (66-80) @ Rays (74-73)

It would appear as though the Jays season has still not ended...

Rogers Baseball Operations

J. Bautista rf
A. Hill 2b
A. Lind dh
V. Wells cf
L. Overbay 1b
E. Encarnacion 3b
R. Barajas c
T. Snider lf
J. McDonald ss

Scott Richmond (6-9, 5.03)

Tampa Bay Rays

J. Bartlett ss
C. Crawford lf
E. Longoria 3b
B. Zobrist dh
W. Aybar 1b
G. Zaun c
A. Iwamura 2b
G. Gross rf
B. Upton cf

James Shields (9-11, 4.03)

Fuck Preferential Treatment For Precious Yankee and Red Sox Fucks

Seems like everyone is talking about the “Fenway Strike Zone” today, after Brian Fuentes walked in the tying run in last night’s Red Sox-Angels game thanks to an umpire with a bigger vagina than Jorge fucking Puss-ada.

“Especially here, and some other places, they seem timid to make calls," Fuentes said, via Big League Stew—who have some more pictures of the infamous ball four, which you can also watch on video here. "I've heard it from other guys that come in here and say that. That's either because it's a mistake, or they're scared.”

“I remember one such game, and one call in particular. Halladay vs Pedro, scoreless into the 7th [actually 6th], Doc doesn't get the called third strike on Ortiz, who homers in the same at bat,” said our friend Keith Law in his chat at ESPN today, telling us the Jays had filed a protest with the league office over the call. “I absolutely agree with Fuentes, both on the third strike to Green and in general,” he later added.

Fucking Boston.

Such horseshit hardly requires comment, except to call it horseshit… which it is. Horseshit.

The same goes for this next item, from the Toronto Star, which got my blood boiling just a little bit this morning:

The disciplinary fallout from Tuesday's bench-clearing fight makes it seem Jays reliever Jesse Carlson has been played for a fool. After Carlson realized that his four-game suspension for "aggressive and inappropriate actions" and $3,000 (all figures U.S.) fine were the same penalty as Yankees catcher Jorge Posada [sic] received, Carlson asked player rep Vernon Wells to file an appeal on the basis that he felt he should not get the same sanction as Posada [sic], who threw an elbow at Carlson after he crossed the plate.

The appeal was granted, Carlson's penalty reduced to three games with pay and the fine reduced if the left-hander would begin serving the suspension last night. He agreed. Then it was revealed that Posada's [sic] suspension had also been reduced to three games.

OK, I know, Carlson could have just as easily turned the other cheek after Puss-ada threw his chickenshit little “elbow”—for which he was immediately ejected, by the way, whereas Carlson was allowed to stay in the game after the pitch—but, to quote the most airtight argument ever proffered in the history of sportswriting, come on. Puss-ada is a little bitch, and clearly deserved more games than Carlson, amiright?

And dicking around Carlson like that? Getting him to agree to drop the appeal and then turning around and reducing Puss-ada’s suspension, too? What the fuck is that, MLB? What the fuck is that?

John McDonald is Pure Class

Rumour among Yankee fans had it that during Tuesday’s Rumble in the Bronx, John McDonald punched New York manager Joe Girardi. And not being one to simply let the video evidence that he did not, in fact, “punch” Girardi, or do anything intentional to hurt the precious head douche of the New York pussy patrol, exonerate him, Johnny Mac went on WFAN to explain what went on to a couple of fucking idiots who then try to blame Jesse Carlson for “setting himself up to get bumped” when Posada was running by.

You can listen to the interview here.

According to the New York Times, Girardi agrees and, like just about everybody else, has nothing but kind words for Johnny Mac.

“John McDonald is a local kid that is a good man, and from watching the tape, I didn’t see John McDonald touch me,” Girardi said. “He actually sought me out today and we talked about it. He’s a peacemaker. I got elbowed accidentally by one of my own players trying to pull someone off. So I don’t want John McDonald to have a bad name.”

Game Threat: Jesse Carlson’s Balls @ Puss-Ada’s Vag

Credit where it’s due: Griffin absolutely nailed the post-game quotes from the Jays after Rat-boy Puss-ada’s sense of Yankee entitlement decided to have a little hissy fit because of his apparent douche bag fucking pussy belief that one almost-hit Puss-ada is more egregious than eight hit Jays in five games.

“There was intent,” catcher Rod Barajas [said]. “It wasn’t like Jesse was in the way and Jorge was trying to avoid him. Jesse saw where he was and on the way by he threw an elbow. That’s what triggered the whole situation.

“He said ‘Don’t do that, don’t do that,’ ” Barajas explained of Posada’s reaction to the brush-back. “That’s all I heard. I’m standing in front of him to protect my pitcher.

“I’m not going over there to throw punches, be an instigator,” Barajas said of his approach to the fight. “By the time I reached there, you’ve got 15-20 guys on their team right in front of me. Once we got there, I just kind of lost track. I was just trying to get to my pitcher. I had no idea what was going on beside be, behind me. I heard Edwar Ramirez was dragging my chest protector trying to get me out. Basically, I’m trying to keep the peace. He’s my teammate. I’m protecting him. From what I’ve heard there were a few guys over there throwing punches. If two people have a problem you let them deal with it themselves. Everybody else is just there to get people away from each other. You don’t go into an altercation like that thinking you have to do something to hurt somebody. From what I heard there were a couple of (Yankees) that didn’t do that. It’s disappointing.”

According to the Associated Press, Carlson and Puss-ada have been suspended for three games each. Barajas has been fined $1000, Cito has been fined $3000, and Shelley “Girl’s Name” Duncan is also likely to be suspended.

Should be fun tonight!

Toronto Blue Jays

M. Scutaro ss
A. Hill 2b
A. Lind dh
V. Wells cf
L. Overbay 1b
R. Barajas c
E. Encarnacion 3b
J. Bautista rf
T. Snider lf

Brian Tallet (7-9, 5.26)

 

Ew Yuck Skankees

D. Jeter ss
J. Hariston Jr. lf
M. Teixeira 1b
A. Rodriguez 3b
H. Matsui dh
N. Swisher rf
R. Cano 2b
M. Cabrera cf
J. Molina c

Chad Gaudin (5-10, 4.81)

Blair, Brunt, and McCown Talk Jays

There was a pretty nifty little Jays conversation among Jeff Blair, Stephen Brunt and Bob McCown, based around the recent comments of Rogers CEO Nadir Mohamed, last night on Prime Time Sports—and the conclusion that was reached was that there is an actual chance that the Jays might raise payroll into the $130-million range.

Of course, how they’re going to do that was never really broached—and I hate to burst anybody’s bubble who hasn’t already thought of this, but … right now Cots has the Jays’ payroll obligation for 2010 at $81.7-million. That figure, however, includes Scott Rolen and Alex Rios. So, take away their combined $21.825-million then add in E5’s $4.75-million and the real committed payroll figure is $64.625-million. Even with a raises through arbitration, they’re still looking at $60-million to spend before they reach that $130-million figure.

I mean, say they sign Bay, Figgins, and Scutaro—three players who would fit their needs, but who everybody is going to be after. Even if you way overpay those three, you’re looking at what? Adding maybe $40 or $45-million to the payroll?

I don’t know. What I guess I’m saying is… the specific number isn’t the important thing. Fuck, even spending more isn’t really the important thing. What I think we all would just be satisfied with is if this team appeared to be run by people who seem like they know what they’re fucking doing. Fuck all the noise about their record and however many years the Jays have been on the outside of the playoffs looking in, that is what we’re really missing.

Anyway, you can catch the segment on Fadoo, download it here, or read it below:

 

McCown: I didn’t think there was a whole lot of substance to what Nadir had to say. I thought it was the usual political gobbledygook. How would you categorize it?

Blair: The only thing I found interesting was the suggestion that, at least in his mind, JP Ricciardi might have some sort of role with the team next year.

McCown: I found that stunning, too.

Blair: Now, to his credit he makes clear right away that Tony Viner and Paul Beeston will have the final say on it. My only thinking about that is, I’ve got to think he knows what’s going to happen, and there are a lot of ways, even in a long interview, to kind of say “no comment.” That wasn’t really a “no comment”. That certainly indicated—without putting words in Nadir Mohamed’s mouth—it kind of indicated a preference. At least from a distance, it appeared to indicate a preference. [Yeah, a fucking preference to not eat the rest of JP’s salary—Ed.]

McCown: Except, never having talked to the man, here’s the other option. I have no idea whether he knows a baseball from a football—which is not to cast aspersions on him, but I don’t know if he’s a jock.

Brunt: Well, and he didn’t describe JP Ricciardi as a great general manager, he described him as a great leader, which is kind of an odd thing to say about a general manager, because we don’t think of them in leadership positions that way, and if he’s leading them, he’s led them to fourth place or third place.

McCown: Again, Ted Rogers would have acknowledged, I think, if anybody had asked him—or he’d been willing to answer—that he didn’t really know anything about baseball, and didn’t really have any interest in sport at all. Does Nadir have a greater interest in baseball? Is he actually a fan? Does he know the difference between a general manager and a manager? I honestly don’t know.

Blair: One of the things he did say is that he is a sports fan. He didn’t say in any great detail whether he was a baseball fan. I was left with the impression, just from reading some of the stuff that was sent to my by Gordon Pitts that he’s certainly not an accidental tourist. Is he a dyed in the wool fantasy league player, I don’t think so. But my sense is that he knows what’s going on.

McCown: Do you think he knows he owns a sports radio station? Just wondering because they’ve basically ignored us.

Blair: I have no way to answer that.

Brunt: That would be the best response. … Blair, what did you make of when the talk turned to how much you pay players—the $100-million vs. $120-million vs. $200-million and the “well, you can still spend lots of money and not win, it’s no guarantee of winning”. I know we’re reading tea leaves here, but placing that in the context of the kind of messages Beeston sent—which is still “if we needed the money and the money could be prudently spent and the money could make a difference” they can get it…

Blair: I think that that’s probably the case, Stephen. I don’t get the sense that there is any $65- or $70-million payroll coming down the road. I think all options are on the table, and as much of a sceptic as I am, I find it hard not to take Paul Beeston at his word, and if he tells me, as he’s told a lot of us, that $120-million was available at some point this year, if he though it could make the team a contender. If he says it—he’s got no reason to say that.

McCown: He told me, too, Blair, that ownership went to him when he was hired originally, or shortly thereafter, and asked if he wanted more money for the ‘09 season—actually asked him: do you need more money?

Blair: And that offer was reiterated in discussions about releasing BJ Ryan. Look, the one thing that I get—do I know what direction this team is going to take? It’s entirely possible that the new president is going to come in, take a look at the team and say to Nadir Mohamed, you guys don’t have a chance this year, you don’t have a chance next year, you’ve got to strip this thing down to like $80-million and build it up again. That’s entirely possible. But what I take away from everything is that the other option is on the table as well. Certainly if somebody thinks they can contend—look, they’re not going to spend $200-million to match the Yankees [And if they were willing, who the fuck is out there to spend it on unless you scoop up every single decent free agent out there?—Ed.], but $120-, $125-, $130-million? I got the impression that’s very much on the table.

Brunt:  But you know what Blair, the way I would interpret it would be that, if someone’s going to do that—if you’re going to say, we want $130-million in payroll—you’d better be able to make a sound, non-romantic business case about what kind of revenue that’s going to drive to the stadium. And contending is a solution, but it’s not a solution for a whole season necessarily—we saw that when they were good earlier in the year. The attendance was a bit better, but…

Blair: You know, Steve, I think we’ve lost sight of one thing with the whole presidency, if you keep going back to what Paul Beeston has been saying all along, I don’t think that the guy they’re going to bring in is a baseball guy. It’s a facilities guy—it’s a guy who’s going to have to figure out how to get money out of the Rogers Centre, whether it be through rock concerts, you know… so… I would think that operating on that assumption, there has to be some evidence, or at least a belief, that things can be done to increase revenue before that $130-million payroll is committed to. At the same time, I don’t think it’s out of the question. If you asked me three months ago, did I think Rogers Communications would have a $130-million payroll?

McCown: I think I did and you said no.

Blair: Absolutely. Now, you do get the sense that there is that possibility.

McCown: At least a chance.

Breaking: Jays Play Like They Give A Shit - UPDATED

Tonight in New York, for the first time in months, the Toronto Blue Jays played like they actually gave a shit about something. Reports are still filtering in from varying sources at new Yankee Stadium, so it remains unclear what caused these vacationing ballplayers to actually do something that made it seem like their pride mattered to them—some are speculating that it was repeatedly getting hit in the face with baseballs, but no definitive connection has been made. What we do know is that, after two Jays players were hit by pitches earlier in the game— adding to a list of Jays-Yankees incidents that date back years, from the A-Roid “ha” play, to Randy Ruiz being hit in the face by Josh Towers—Jesse Carlson threw behind the back of Yankee catcher Jorge Puss-ada.

And of course, as anybody who knows baseball knows: hit Randy Ruiz in the face, fine. Hit the great Yankee Jorge Puss-ada? Well, that’s unacceptable.

Puss-ada elbowed Carlson as he crossed the plate later in the inning, which apparently reminded the Jays that they are actual Major League Baseball players, and that the season did not, in fact, end three months ago. Cue donnybrook.

Here’s some shitty video that will get pulled—more to come as the folks from the park get home and start hitting YouTube.

UPDATE: Enjoy this clip while you can, because it won't last on YouTube long, but here's a better version-- optimised with Cito being a fucking badass at 0:55 for your viewing pleasure. Nails.

Also, look a big tough A-Rod coming over to help Edwar Ramirez once Cito has been separated from him by about 10 feet.

And better still: Rod Black (whose partner in the booth, for any of our American friends who might be watching, is indeed, the one, the only, the bag of wet hair, Pat Tabler) evoking Phil Collins. Because, to me, nothing says baseball like that.

Game Threat: Jays (65-79) @ Skankees (93-52)

Welp. There are only so many Halladay starts left this year-- and possibly ever for Rogers Baseball Operations. So we might as well enjoy them. I think I might even listen to this one, even though I fully expect the Jays hitters to shit the bed against Sergio Mitre-- though, based on his last outing against Rogers Baseball Operations (4 1/3 innings, 11 H, 9 ER), who knows? And after my shitty predicting job last night, what do I know anyway?

Oh, and in case you're wondering, this team is still officially retarded, as Travis Snider starts, but Phillips and Ruiz pointlessly sit. Oh, and the player with the twelfth-worst OPS+ in the AL (among qualified leaders) bats cleanup. Ugh. (Note: Alex Rios is now third-worst).

I helped preview this one with our friends over at SNY-- specifically, the master of the turn from camera one to camera two, Ted Berg. Here's the clip:



Rogers Baseball Operations

M. Scutaro ss
A. Hill 2b
A. Lind dh
V. Wells cf
L. Overbay 1b
E. Encarnacion 3b
R. Barajas c
J. Bautista rf
T. Snider lf

Roy Halladay (14-9, 3.03)

Ew Yuck Skankees

D. Jeter ss
J. Damon lf
M. Teixeira 1b
A. Rodriguez 3b
H. Matsui dh
J. Posada c
R. Cano 2b
N. Swisher rf
B. Gardner cf

Sergio Mitre (3-2, 7.02)

Quickly: Schedule Released

The Jays released their 2010 schedule today, and while I mostly don't care, there are a couple of things of note to point out. First, the Jays have only one home weekend series each against the Yankees and the Red Sox-- which I'm sure our friends at Rogers are thrilled about. As usual, MLB gives no fuck about Canadians, putting the Jays on the road on Victoria Day, Canada Day and the August Civic Holiday. And, of course, the days of the fucking brilliant 4 pm wake up hung over, hit the bbq, walk down drunk to the ballpark, watch the game, then go for dinner afterwards and keep on getting more drunk deep into the night Saturday games are long over.

There's good news, though, as the three National League teams that the Jays will host are the Giants, Cardinals and Phillies-- and holy fuck, you could do a whole lot worse than getting to see Cain, Lincecum, Kung Fu Panda, Pujols, Carpenter, and those shithead natural rivals of ours. All of those games come in a week-and-a-half long homestand from July June 18 to the 27th. They'll visit Arizona, Colorado and San Diego.

The Jays open on the road, in Texas, on Monday, April 5th-- then, as usual, have a fucking bullshit off-day-- and their home opener is also a Monday, April 12th, against Alex Rios and the Chicago White Sox. (And the first pitch is scheduled for 7:20, so it sounds like Rogers has something special in store!!! Puke!)

The Nadir Of Our Existence (And Ken Williams’s)

Hey! So Nadir Mohamed finally has decided to belch something out of his vagina related to the direction of Rogers Baseball Operations! Uh... kinda.

Full marks for effort on the part of Jeff Blair, whose piece in this morning’s Globe and Mail actually has real quotes from Rogers’ CEO—via his Globe colleague Gordon Pitts. And… well… they’re pretty meaningless. But at least it’s something, I suppose…

Asked if the Rogers would OK a Baseball Operations payroll of $150-million, and Mohamed said: “Is that the number? No number guarantees a win. There is no question if you spend $200-million a year, you have a better shot at winning. It doesn't mean you will win. Spending $100-million says that the odds are more difficult over time, but it doesn't mean you don't win. Better doesn't just mean equating to salary. There are a lot of things that make a business, a company, a division better.”

So… um… which of those things that make a business, a company, a division better do you think will work best for Rogers Baseball Operation?

… Oh. Not saying? Well, then fuck you very much, Nadir. You’ve been a delight.

Now, If You Want A Quote That Means Something, There’s Only One Place To Go…

Ozzie Guillen! And it turns out that ol' Ozzie is not exactly pulling any punches about what’s going on with some guy named Alex Rios—perhaps you’ve heard of him?

From the Chicago Sun-Times:

"What have I seen from Rios? A lot of outs. The only batting ninth guy making $5 million was me. This motherfucker is making $10, $12, $14 million, he ain't going to be batting ninth [in 2010]. I'm going to make sure he earns his money. But right now I have to put him there because he's struggling. Next year, if we have Rios batting ninth we're in deep shit once again.''

Hahahaha. Gold!

This Chicago Tribune has a more extensive piece on the clusterfuck that has been Rios and his 13-for-90 since arriving on the South Side—though without the full-on awesomeness of the quote from the Sun-Times.

“He’s a teaser,” one National League scout told them—perhaps the same one who’s buds with Bob Elliott. “He’ll get you fired.”

"Ozzie’s biggest task will be getting him to play," an NL scout said at the time of the deal.

"He's not the only one struggling in that lineup, but you figured he wouldn't be this bad for so long," one scout said.

"Sliders eat him up," another scout said.

Again! Gold!

Of course, it’s way, way too early to declare this move a “win” for the Jays—though it will be a lot easier in a couple months, once we see if/how the Jays spend the money they saved by dumping him… which brings us back to our old friend Nadir:

“We thought it was a good idea to have the player move on and take the write-off. It's life, it's business. It's part of the context of saying, ‘What does it take to make us better?' We want to do better, we want to be able to make money,” Mohamed said in the Globe piece. “We have shareholders, they're important stakeholders, just as we have customers and employees. The idea of being competitive in the business you're in and being seen to be effective drives me. We want to do whatever it takes to become more competitive.”

Well, dude, that’s great, but the clusterfuck of the operation you’re running is right now neither competitive nor effective. And these empty statements aren’t going to fucking fix it. How about you actually give the fans some fucking idea that you’re willing to do something.

Need ideas? OK, how about you give your stamp of approval on fucking shitcanning the GM—like we all know you have to do anyway—before the next homestand and see what fucking effect giving the fans some fucking indication that the goddamn team isn’t going to just keep on floating along with the status quo has on attendance. Shit, and while you’re at it, get Beeston to come out and address the fans before the game—Glen Grunwald style. Eh? I fucking guarantee: you do that, promote it properly, and you’ll easily make up in gate revenue whatever is left on JP’s contract.*

* Not a guarantee.

Boners Up: DJF 2009 Podcast #24

We decided to simplify the DJF Podcast this week—or… well… by “decided” I kind of mean that Justin couldn’t make it, and Parkes and I were typically lazy as fuck, and didn’t have a guest, so we just kind of talked Jays for a bit. I guess that’s kind of what we always do, but… I don’t know, maybe it’s because, as the season ends, we’re finally starting to get closer to having some closure on this piece of shit season, so we were a little less full of “what the fuck do you want me to say?” and more… I don’t know… resigned to be talking about a team that fucking sucks. I don’t know. What the fuck do you want me to say?

Oh yeah, and we shit on Kenny Ken Ken a bit. And Mike Toth. Because we’re like that.

As always, the podcast is available at The Score, or through iTunes.

Mintmusical interludes: The Small Faces Ogden’s Nut Gone Flake, Johnny Thunders and the Heartbreakers Chinese Rocks, Phoenix Lisztomania, The Damned Neat Neat Neat, Cake The Guitar Man

Game Threat: Jays (65-78) vs. Tigers (76-66)

I'm not really sure why you wouldn't be watching Juan Martin Del Potro try in vain to give himself a chance against Roger Federer in the US Open final (actually, he's doin' alright), and then flipping over to watch the Bills get the shitkicking of a lifetime in New England (which says a lot, for Buffalo, but... three rookie O-linemen? Firing the offensive coordinator a week before the season? Trent Edwards-- whose Bills in Toronto promos they showed at the Rogers Centre all summer made him look like a guy with all the charisma of someone who likes to duct tape little kids in the back of his Trans Am), but... if you're really going to put yourself through the misery of watching the little baseball team that couldn't try to salvage whatever the fuck it is they're trying to salvage tonight in Dee-troit, here are the lineups...

But first, the daily getting pissed off about fucking lineup bullshit: Kyle Phillips and Travis Snider are in! Good! That's the correct decision!

And Phillips is hitting ... ahead of Snider?!?!?!? Are ... really??? Fuck.

Plus, Randy Ruiz is, again, out. So... this team remains retarded...

With Brett Cecil shut down, it also means that we have the pleasure of watching David Purcey attempt to find the fucking strike zone all night (read: until midway through the third when he gets yanked). Ughhhhhhh.

Toronto Blue Jays

M. Scutaro ss
A. Hill 2b
A. Lind dh
V. Wells cf
L. Overbay 1b
E. Encarnacion 3b
J. Bautista rf
K. Phillips c
T. Snider lf

David Purcey (0-2, 7.01)

Detroit Tigers

R. Raburn lf
P. Polanco 2b
M. Ordonez rf
M. Cabrera 1b
M. Thames dh
B. Inge 3b
C. Granderson cf
G. Laird c
A. Everett ss

Justin Verlander (16-8, 3.24)

Boston's Rumoured Rejected 6-for-1 Halladay Offer

So apparently a consequence of not really giving three shits about this team is that all sorts of nuggets that I'd normally scoop up keep slipping through the cracks-- think of it as tough love on my part, if you want to-- kind of like this one:

Via MLBTR-- because apparently they're reading what the local papers say about the Jays before I am these days-- Bob Elliott of the Toronto Sun spoke to a National League scout (perhaps the same person who told him that the Jays already had a president in place) who gave him the following load about Boston's final offer for Roy Halladay, right before the trade deadline passed:

Clay Buchholz, Justin Masterson, Daniel Bard, Michael Bowden, Felix Doubront and Nick Hagadone.

The scout said he had "zero idea" why the Jays wouldn't do that, but claimed that the Toronto scout who'd told him about the offer, said it was rejected for two reasons: "Initially, the Jays spent days deciding whether Masterson projected better as a starter or a closer and, when they reached a decision, they didn't think he'd succeed in that role. Secondly, 'the Jays were worried about Halladay beating them next year.' "

For whatever it's worth, Theo Epstein has denied the rumour, as per Amelie Benjamin of the Boston Globe.

Now, I don't really want to contribute to the hack myth that "J.P. Ricciardi ran the Roy Halladay trade show the way Chuck Barris ran The Gong Show", but on first blush... holy shit, there is no fucking way they're getting that for him during the winter.

Of course, knowing this shit show of a clusterfuck of a shitty organization, they probably could figure out a way not to give a fuck enough to let the opportunity pass, knowing full well that they're not really making any goddamn run next year, and leave the team infinitely worse off for it.

Your 2009 Blue Jays: Who Gives A Fuck??? (TM)*

Ugh. So let's just hope this is not true. And, since there's nothing else to do right now, we'll probably keep making noise about it.

* Unless that's already long ago been used by someone else. Probably, huh?

Sunday I give a bit more of a shit

Hey, we win again? Kinda awesome. And in such dramatic fashion, too. Hill hits dinger No. 32 and Barajas gets one as well (speaking of which, don't know if we already linked to this -- but Gaston has pretty much said we won't be seeing him next year -- again, it's the fans' fault).

Anyways, enough cynicism already ... oh wait, I have to work today so fuck everything. Enjoy the game if you get TSN 2. 85-77 record still in effect. Go Jays.

Toronto Blue Jays

Scutaro - ss
Hill - 2b
Lind - dh
Wells - back here again?
Overbay - 1b
Encarnacion - 3b
Snider - lf
Chavez - c
Inglett - rf

Romero - p

Detroit Tigers

Raburn - lf
Polanco - 2b
Ordonez - rf
Cabrera - 1b
Thames - dh
Inge - 3b
Granderson - cf
Laird - c
Everett - ss

Porcello - p

Saturday I don't give a shit

Holy fuck, that's two in a row! (And how about Tallet's chops? Fucking awesome. And some decent pitching there, too.) Could this be the beginning of an epic winning streak that leaves us with a ... 85-77 record? It ain't 90 wins but I'd take it. That would be kinda awesome. Shit, why not just look forward to something like that happening? It'll only just crush my soul more and make me feel like a fucking idiot when it doesn't. A letdown not unlike waiting over a month to have shed built only to find that it opens three quarters of the way with a padlock on it. Or then going to look for replacement parts to fix this problem at Canadian Tire only to findhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif they have the piece in every dimension possible, except the fucking one you're looking for. Or then looking forward to a beer on your patio to ease the pain only to be chased back inside by wasps looking to increase your pain? So then figuring you can just stay inside, blare some music and get absolutely wasted till 4 a.m. only to remember that you have to go in to work on Sunday.

...

Only two more weeks to go and then the splint comes off. I might be getting a tad bitter in the meantime.

But in talks with Richard Griffin, Cito is also kinda freakin' that if attendance and interest in the team remains this low, it could affect the players on our roster. Because without "the fans, we can't keep the [players] that we have here." Forget about the decisions that have been made by Rogers and the Jays' organization, if Halladay and Scutaro go, well, you just should've been at these meaningless games.

...

Go Jays. Do it for my splint.

Toronto Blue Jays

Scutaro - ss
Hill - 2b
Wells - cf
Overbay - 1b
Barajas - c
Encarnacion - 3b
Ruiz - dh
Snider - lf
Inglett - rf

Richmond - p

Detroit Tigers

Granderson - cf
Polanco - 2b
Guillen - lf
Cabrera - 1b
Huff - dh
Thomas - rf
Avila - c
Inge - 3b
Santiago - ss

Jackson - p

*** Special Josh Towers update!!! ***

He now wears No. 12 on his jersey!

True story!

Game Threat: Jays (63-77) vs. Tigers (75-64)

So the Jays season drags on, and… meh. Here we go against the Detroit Tigers. I thought I was going to have something to say about this one, but I really can’t think of anything except to note that Snider is sitting against a lefty again, so this team is still officially retarded.

Detroit Tigers

R. Raburn lf
P. Polanco 2b
M. Ordonez rf
M. Cabrera 1b
M. Thames dh
B. Inge 3b
C. Granderson cf
G. Laird c
A. Everett ss

N. Robertson p (1-1, 5.40)

Toronto Blue Jays

M. Scutaro ss
A. Hill 2b
A. Lind lf
V. Wells cf
K. Millar 1b
R. Barajas c
E. Encarnacion 3b
R. Ruiz dh
J. Bautista rf

B. Tallet p (6-9, 5.31)

KLaw Quickie

Not much Jays stuff in today’s KLaw Chat at ESPN—some Romero/Tulo stuff that I’d rather not bother with—but I thought I’d pass along this tidbit, which gives some insight into why teams don’t just call up their whole farm system once September hits, which I think you'd agree is kind of topical.

John (NY)

I may be missing some finer point of roster rules, but why not call up Ike Davis for a little? It seems logical to try to call up a guy on a hot streak, especially if you've been playing meaningless games for a long time already.

Keith Law

They'd have to clear a 40-man spot, carry Davis on the 40-man all winter (and next winter, if he hasn't earned the spot), pay him at least $50K next year even if he doesn't see a day in the majors, plus pay him $30-40K this year ... plus he's scheduled to go to the AFL, so they might want to give him the few weeks off. The only argument I could see for recalling him would be if they thought he might be their 1b next spring.

Game Threat: Over/Under

So apparently attendance for last night’s game—the latest in an endless parade of debacles—was a little light. That’s must be wrong, though, because I’m pretty sure Justin Morneau played, and we all know what having a Canadian player on the field does to the boners of the ol’ Scarborough six pack types. Right? That’s all we really want to see, a bunch of good Canadian kids, eh?

Anyway, more on that later. For now, we’ve got a game threat. Because… well, the goddamn Jays are threatening to play another game. Ugh.

Will fans actually show up for an afternoon game in the first week of school? It is pretty nice out right now, so maybe, but… I honestly have no clue. Can they do worse than last night? I’m pretty goddamn sure of it, though I haven’t decided which way I’m going to vote in our little over/under poll in the right sidebar just yet, because… ultimately… I really don’t fucking care.

Also, holy fuck, what’s this lineup?

Minnesota Twins

Span cf
Cabrera ss
Mauer c
Morneau 1b
Kubel dh
Cuddyer rf
Young lf
Harris 3b
Punto 2b

S. Baker (13-7, 4.34)

Toronto Blue Jays

Inglett 2b
Snider rf
Lind lf
Overbay 1b
Encarnacion 3b
Ruiz dh
Bautista cf
Chavez c
McDonald ss

B. Cecil (6-4, 5.46)